Forgiveness and Grace

The offender has no right or standing to demand forgiveness for his or actions: be they acts of commission or omission; things misinterpreted or things implied, things done or things avoided. To do so is to not truly seek right relationship with the offended but to avoid responsibility as the offender for pain caused or retribution owed. Forgiveness is solely an act of grace bestowed on those who are indeed guilty and undeserving. The grace of forgiveness releases the offender from the penalty of the offense but not the sentence,

We are still guilty, We are still in debt for our deeds, We owe a price we can not pay. Oh but for grace extended and forgiveness granted upon we who do not deserve it and often mishandle it. May we never misapply the wonderful truth of what forgiveness is and how thru it grace is bestowed upon we who do not truly deserve it. #dailymemo

The Cost is Too High

More and more the platform for true and fair competition in every walk of life is being eroded all around us by the drive to win at all costs. We have become a society that loves winning or the perception in the minds of others that we have won so much, that we will say and do absolutely anything to win. Whether on the job, in the sporting arena, the home, the marriage, the political sphere or even on social media the idea that "I must win at all costs" has become inextricably woven to the soul of who we are as people.

This frightens me.

When you look at the concept of American exceptionalism, it is nothing more than grandstanding pompously thumping our chests to the rest of the world to say America is a winner. When you watch sporting programs, you see the winner celebrated even if they won by the slimmest of margins or the flukiest of circumstances while the is loser decimated and dismantled. Not just on the field mind you, but by those paid to in effect bury them alive via their opinions. In the home, peace is pushed aside in favor of who is right. In the political realm we see the mudslinging, demonizing, pathological lying and twisting of facts and truth in order to secure a win for one side or the other. A devilish game that all sides play yet all equally deny.

The shame in all of this is we have crossed a line; left it far behind us in our rear view mirror many hundreds of miles. It is no longer fair, or fun, or even conceivable to the well balanced soul anymore what we do in order to win. We say the scandalous, do the despicable, insinuate the incredulous, post the preposterous, trumpet the thoughtless and commit to the most vile craven parts of our human existence only to be able to say we or our side won.  We destroy others just to say we won.

What have we really come to? In effect this is what we saw this past National election cycle. Not only during the process and subsequent vote, but on social media, in protests, on news shows and opinion web sites. In coffee houses, chat rooms, teacher lounges, and church parking lots. That winning is all that matters. How we do it is irrelevant. Who we hurt, run over, destroy, and slander is immaterial. Only the results matter, for only they are ultimately judged by history. Not only will we do these things, but we will then disavow, disengage, deny and down play those things afterwards as if it didn't happen or it meant nothing at all. With a wink and a nod thrown in of course because that is not who we really are.

My friends we must slam the brakes on this mindset, turn the car around and head back towards a place of balance. If we do not, we will careen off the cliffs into a canyon of chaos that we are rapidly approaching. Much quicker than many of us anticipate. Compassion, caring and commitment to be a loving community must be where we point ourselves towards as a people. We can not live like this anymore. As a people. As a nation. As a world. Enough is enough.

Retribution has become normalization for our culture. We are damaging relationships beyond earthly repair...fathers against sons and mothers against daughters. All to say we won what? An argument? A competition? A post? A flame war? A vote? Surely much more was intended out of life than this. For we can not retract words once spoken or deeds done. Many today would shout karma but before karma ever became a mainstream concept for the masses we learned thru spiritual development and the songs of our fore-bearers "you will reap what you sow and what you plant surely will grow." To belittle people for not getting past or over things you did to them is to be a bully of the worst order. Allowing you to do your dirt, while throwing shade on those you purposefully intended to hurt in the first place. Living and dying by the sword becomes a cyclical outcome with no end in sight. In words often spoken down south "you kill my dog, I kill your cat." That has become the new normal for this country. The win at all costs culture is a linchpin of it.

As a former athlete, coach, and entrepreneur, I have absolutely nothing against winning and pursuing it passionately. We do not coach to lose. We want our athletes to want to win bad. I am against undermining others to win, But I don't want to coach an athlete that has to do what Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan in order to win. I don't want to coach an athlete that takes short cuts to climb the mountain of success. You don't cheat, you conquer. Conquer with persistence, commitment, training and sheer will. Conquer by being the better person, inside and out. I am against tearing down others to say we won or should of won. I am against teaching athletes who will one day go out in the real world that if they don't win they are consigned to the scrapheap of failure for perpetuity. There are many lessons to be learned in losing - perhaps many more than in winning. You win with humility and lose with grace. You redouble your positive efforts and eliminate negativity. You learn and move forward.

I want to win. But I don't want to win at all costs. Not is coaching. Not in competing. Not in life. That price is way to high to pay. We are seeing that as a country now.

Let's turn around while we have time and space.

Dream!!!

One of the greatest crimes is when we tell children and adults "don't dream your dream, stop imagining your ideas, stay in reality, don't be different." We intentionally disable the creative mechanism for the sake of a neutered normalcy then wonder where are the creators, the dreamers, the idea people of the next generation? We have buried them in coffins of complacency because we are afraid of being seen as being different AND being connected to them. Or are we afraid that they will awaken within us dreams that have been dumped in favor of an easier predictable path? Dream again. Believe Again. Imagine again! Live your dream!

I'm Sorry...

Doesn't exist anymore in our culture. Neither does "I was or am wrong" "I apologize" "it will never happen again" or "I truly didn't mean it." Even the stronger biblical word repentance has disappeared from our collective souls on this earth. It has become a sign of weakness to say these words, A sign of vulnerability to admit error. A sign that you are in some moment in time acted in a manner that was less than civil, gracious, lawful, or agreeable.  A brief moment in time when someone or something stands above you as victor.

Why is that? Is it merely ego? Or has it become a social and economic necessity to never admit wrong.

The curse of ego is always seemingly at the forefront to be sure. To admit wrong to many is the same thing as admitting defeat. This is something they have never been emotionally, socially, or mentally prepared to handle. By many, admitting wrong is seen as just as big of a character flaw than whatever was done. While many quote "it is better to ask forgiveness than permission," the naked truth is many don't ask for forgiveness at all.

Since when do we ask permission to say hurtful things to people? To say things that are demeaning and without a shred of common decency? Perhaps the issue is decency in our land has become uncommon. We want to say and do what we want to whomever we want and suffer no repercussions from it. Yet we don't extend that same right to others that disagree with us. We get to hurt others cause of the ancient ritual of "sticks and stones" but they can't hurt us because that is unfair, unpatriotic and just downright wrong. But I digress.

In many cases to say these words opens the doors to litigation and loss of money. Car insurance guidelines always remind us that if we are in an accident, never to admit fault. Even if we know beyond a shadow of a doubt we were at fault. Lawyers advise their clients to say nothing at all to impair their ability to defend you...again even if you know you were wrong. They do not admit fault in investigations, arrests, and judgement knowing not only does it jeopardize one case, but many cases. Numerous businesses, organizations, agencies, politicians and the like that know that they are in the wrong use this tactic and then lawyer up to do as much as possible from admitting error or fault. In their minds it is better for someone to walk away knowing they have been wronged with no apology, than to just man up and apologize.

So we shut up. We deny. We say we have no recollection of events. That we do not remember. If evidence is presented to prove that things were known at the time and wrong, the appalling and condescending " if I somehow offended you, THEN I am sorry" which puts all the blame on the one offended as being too weak to handle whatever was dished out. Or like the siblings forced to come together and make amends we mutter "sorry" under our breath yet have our fingers crossed behind our back.

This is where we are today.

I remember a time when saying sorry was not a death sentence. When saying forgive me was not made into a weakness that others would take advantage of but a sign or maturity and respect. When it was better to apologize for the sake of peace than to fight to win a fight that didn't even matter in the grand scheme of life. When I didn't mean to hurt you was not met with derisive scorn and laughter but compassion and understanding. In fifty two years of living, I have seen a lot of things come and go, but seeing this one go pains me greatly.

For that, I am truly sorry.

When the church doesn't call

For the past two Sundays I have been waiting with my phone close at hand. Constantly checking to see if I had missed a call, or if it had inadvertently gone to voice mail. As the day wore on I automatically knew that if the church had indeed voted for a pastor, that I had not been selected. It seems to be standing operating procedure these days to not contact the runner up of a vote just in case the first choice turns the church down. This way they can offer the church to the runner up as if they had actually been the first choice, when in reality they were not.

Later that evening my hunch based on many years experience was confirmed via text message. While the initial feelings of rejection (because in reality that is what it is) are always strong, we who have been called by God to lead His people are forced to put the rejection of serving God at that capacity at that moment in some type of polite packaging fit for consumption.

We quote scriptures as "all things work together for the good of them that love God and are the called according to his appearing." We declare and decree that greater is coming. We are adamant that they let the best one get away. We get prayer partners to touch and agree that another door will be opened. We even have people throwing more pastoral leads at us, telling us the church made a mistake and just hold on awhile, or even that this is a sign to start your own church.

Yet honestly, we hurt. There is perhaps no greater pain of rejection than to feel as if you are rejected from doing the work of God, and by extension by God himself. No matter how blithely we try to go about our business, it gets to us. We are conditioned to equate the call of God to Pastor and the fact that a church selects us as confirmation of the call. Many times a minister is not even ordained until this happens, So when the church does not call, it appears to many that you have been forsaken, forgotten, or in the words of a friend "fired and you just haven't got the memo yet."

What we conversely also are conditioned to believe is that if a church doesn't call, that something is desperately and undeniably wrong with the candidate. There is a fatal flaw perhaps well hidden that renders them incapable and unworthy of the position. That they fall short not only in the eyes of the church but in the eyes of God himself. And if by chance it is many years that a minister is not called to pastor, it becomes a mark of shame on their record. You hear the murmurs "what is wrong with them that no one has selected them yet?" While many official church meetings may never propose that question, off the record conversations before or after the meeting, at the cars, in the homes, on the telephones unofficially it happens almost universally.

This last rejection caused me to look back over the years since I had relocated to a different part of the country. A place where I literally had no connections, no one that knew me and no one who had any knowledge of my ministry experiences. In a six year period, I ministered at six established churches with vacant pulpits and had officially been a pastoral candidate at five of those churches. This means I became one of the final two or three for the position of pastor of that church. Out of those five churches not one of them called to officially inform me that I was not the candidate they chose. I found out via texts, phone calls from fellow ministers loosely connected with the church and even on Facebook. Only one sent me a letter to officially notify me, even though by that time I already knew. All of which got me to thinking what do we do when the church doesn't call? Does that mean our time spent ministering at those churches was in vain? Does it mean we are forever consigned to only fill the gap until the next pastor is chosen? Does it mean we need to overhaul how both churches and ministers approach the process of applying for and filling vacant pulpits?

How do we the redeemed handle the rejection of the redeemed? Let's briefly consider the following:

1.) Are you called to Pastor?

This is crucial to understand right from the onset. Because truthfully we have glorified the position of pastor so that in order to be "accepted" by the Body of Christ and your fellow cadre of preachers,you have to be a pastor. It has long been said it is better to be a pastor of five to ten folks than a pastor of none. Being a pastor is equated with leadership, therefore not being a pastor means you are not a leader in the view of many. Trying to do much of the work in conferences, associations, and conventions without being a pastor is often a long tough upward pull in the snow and ice, with nothing but sneakers on. No matter how good or great of a person and preacher you are seen to be, not being a pastor is often a cause for many of your own peers not to see, hear, or follow you, let alone acknowledge you.

Truthfully many have not been called to pastor. They are great preachers, teachers, evangelists, and prophets, but not pastors. They do not have a pastors heart or spirit. They are looking to further the areas of ministry that are their calling but attempting to use the pastoral platform to do so. Many churches are still struggling on how to embrace the diversity of gifts present in their church so that all may grow in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Many pastors are uncomfortable having a lot of ministers serve under them and some are intimidated if one or two are seen as a better preacher than they are by the congregation. And many ministers do not have the patience to wait for the right opportunities to use the gifts that the Lord has entrusted to them. This often leads to division and schisms in the local body.

This leaves many newer ministers floundering, looking for instruction, mentoring, practical training, for guidance, counsel looking to accepted and validated in their calling. This has them running from house to house and door to door, seeking a place that will welcome their gifts. Many will strike out on their own to start their own church or ministry where they can fulfill what they believe that God is calling for them to do.

2.) Did God tell you to apply in the first place?

Just because a church is vacant, does not mean that you should apply. You may not be ready for it. You may not be a fit for the church. More churches and preachers are marginalized in ministry due to not being a good fit for each other.  I remember when I first started preaching in 1988 I was asked by one of the deacons of the church I was baptized at to submit a resume for the church. This would of been an opportunity for me to go back to my home state, to people who knew me growing up and to a church that I had belonged to for many years, even teaching Sunday School as a youth. It would of automatically given me status in the community and in the preaching community.

Yet I would of arrived prematurely at a spot I knew that I was not ready for. That could of been disastrous to me, my family and the church. Thank God for the wisdom of knowing that I was not ready for that church. That I knew I was young, inexperienced, and a bad fit at that time was a blessing from above. If I had allowed ego, desire, or peer pressure to push me in to applying, I may not even be here to write this blog. Every church is not a fit for every pastoral candidate. At some point, the prospective pastor must do some critical self evaluation and eliminate some places from their application process. Not because of size, money or demographics - because it is not a good fit. You don't know that unless you spend time in prayer with God and let Him guide you.

At this stage of my life and ministry with me being much closer to the end of my journey than the beginning, I rarely apply for churches. I visit them if invited to or led by the Holy Spirit, minister if asked and only submit a resume upon their request. This allows me to see them in their natural environment if you will, pray for guidance and make a preliminary determination if we might even be a fit, before we go anywhere in the process.  This way I do not waste their time clogging up their process. While this drastically reduces my odds of being called to a church, it has also afforded me wonderful opportunities to get to know the people of each church and be a servant to them.

3.) Did you do what God told you to do while in the process?

This a crucial question of self evaluation and stewardship. Many times in the quest to be liked, appreciated or chosen by a congregation we compromise our beliefs, our convictions, our personalities and our preaching. As I told a minister the other day we play dumb so we are not seen as too smart and therefore too uppity. Or we try to impress with words, phrases, language and mannerisms we have zero fluency with so that they don't think we are untrained.

In the case of this last church that I did not receive the call from, I had visited the church about three years ago for a couple of Sundays. Last June while fellowshipping at another church I clearly heard the Lord tell me to go back over to this church. I did as I was told and the Lord again clearly told me to stay until I tell you to. So I did just that. The pastor opened the pulpit up to me, and even allowed me to go out and represent him at other local churches. Unexpectedly the pastor died three months later. He had not been ill so this was a tremendous blow to the church.  And it was then I knew why God had told me to go there. To be a comfort and assist to them as they were going through the grieving process and to help them until they called their next pastor. That was my role in being there, and it was my job to be faithful to that role regardless of what happened. I was a temp worker not meant to be a permanent hire at that location. Although I wanted it to be a long term assignment, it was only designed to be a short term one.

A second part of this is knowing the role that you fill as an evangelist during the candidacy period vs being their pastor. Pastoral statements are not yours to make, no matter how much you think they like you and how many "amens" you get. There will always be someone at every church saying you need to take charge and be "a pastor" well before they have chosen anyone. Be mindful that the same hand that pats you on the back can often push you down the stairs.

4.) Did you give your very best?

Again, this strikes to our stewardship. Did we offer our best as unto the Lord, or did we just "dial it in" because they weren't  ready, don't get it, etc? We lose sight of the fact that this service that we render is unto the Lord first and foremost. There should never be a reason that prohibits you from personally giving your best.

Rev. Dr. Johnny Youngblood when preaching at the St Paul Community Baptist Church in New York as a candidate for the pastorship tells of his sincere desire not to be the pastor. He writes in his book Upon this Rock: The Miracles of a Black Church that  he did everything he could do in his mind to prevent them from choosing him. But the one thing he could not bring himself to do is not give his best in the ministry of the word. The record shows that he was elected the pastor and served that church and community for many many years with colorful distinction

In no way am I applauding or advocating for an approach similar to Rev. Dr.  Youngblood. What I am saying is that we should always give our best every time we are afforded an opportunity to minister in His name and for His glory. Nothing less will do.

5.) Did you truly commit to the Lord's way being done, no matter what it was?

Being the candidate of a church changes you more than you realize. It is one thing just to get an opportunity to minister to a church that is looking for a pastor. But once they put you down as a candidate things change drastically. You begin to think well what if I do become the pastor....what would I do...what kind of furniture do I want in my study...who will preach my installation? You move from the realm of no way it is happening and I am just here to serve to it is possible I will be your next pastor. And if you consider yourself a person of faith, you feel guilty for not thinking any way other than it will happen. After all how can they not select you? (See what happens there?)

But if it is like 99% of our churches there is at least one other person in the running. Even if it is a "shadow" candidate - meaning one only put there to ensure the appearance of a fair vote by a board to the congregation when that candidate has not been afforded the same due processes of anyone else.
Just the mere specter of a vote means you can lose.  What if you do lose? Can you still see God's hand in it? Or will you cry loud about the unfairness, rigged votes, protocols and procedures violated? Can you humbly and honestly say "thy will be done" even if it personally places you in a position of loss and rejection?

6.) Are you willing to follow Him, even if you never get that position?

This is the unthinkable for many yet I have several friends and associates around the country that are struggling with this exact same issue right now.  When you think of one church rejecting you, it is soon considered water over the bridge. Oh well, just move on to the next church. What happens when the one turns to two...the two turns to five..the one year turns to two years and two years turn to six years? What happens if for the length and breadth of your remaining life, no call to pastor comes your way? What happens if you know that God has called you to that work yet no church confirms that call.  You never get the chance to be called Pastor, other than as a term of respect or polite civility. Forever consigned to be a jackleg or wanna be by many due to circumstances well beyond your control.

I have friends in this position that have been in ministry as long as I have. Not once have they received that call to be a pastor. The cruel things that people and other preachers have said about them because they are not pastoring is ungodly and reprehensible. Growing up you always heard the of those ministers that never got called to a church to pastor - associate ministers for life was the kindest thing you ever heard. You never think you will personally know one. Or become one.

In one of my favorite texts, Jesus ordains twelve that they should be with Him and that He might send them forth to preach. The understanding to me is unmistakable. We are called to be with Him regardless of where He is and what He does. He sets us apart for whatever task He pleases - we have no input or objection to override His choice. While He might send us out to preach, our first call is to be with Him.

That is a call we should be available to answer any time.

If I should become

If I should become a hashtag know I don't drink. Haven't since college. I never did drugs of any kind. Ever. I don't take medications and have no prescriptions that would alter my mood. I do not have a criminal record except for forgetting about a traffic court hearing many years ago. I don't speed - ask anyone who has driven with me.

I didn't yell, scream, curse or belittle anyone. I did not reach for anything unless I was told to and even then I clearly asked permission to do so before i did. I do not carry my wallet in my pocket for just such a reason and have not for over 25 years. I did not resist in any matter.

All the good things I have done in this life will be not talked about in an effort to find bad stuff about me. This is what you will be told over and over again. This is what happens when people to justify actions, even when wrong. When you talk about my good they will blame you for trying to paint a sympathetic picture of your father. The weight of the media will be crushing and insane.

I refuse to say it can't happen to me. That it won't happen to me. The evidence is stacked and mounting higher every day. This is a new civil rights war we are facing. More daunting than the first because now we also are fighting the illusion that there are no problems and those that profit from attempting to maintain that illusion. The level of dissonance is incredibly high from unbelief, ignorance, to out right denial and even acceptance.

But if becoming a hashtag means people will finally get it. That we will not just talk, post opinions, defend and deny but do something about these very real problems we have right now. If one more family doesn't have to go thru the horror of seeing or hearing about their loved one in such a manner. if it means you can live in peace and be accepted in this place called America for who you are and not what others want you to be,

I would gladly be a hashtag today. I would gladly die so you can live in peace.

#realtalkwithmygirls #yesitisthatreal #heavyheartbutmadeupmind

Another day; another tragedy

Make no mistake. I fully support the right to assemble peacefully and protest. I support the right to speak on issues that need to be heard, even if they make others uncomfortable. I support the right to create movements to enact change. I support the right of all to live peacefully without fear of being shot or killed for protesting or protecting protesters. I support officers that stand tall and take seriously the oath that they took and exercise it without fear or prejudice.

In no way do I support taking a life. Whether it is a criminal on the street, a drunk behind the wheel of a vehicle, an officer overstepping their bounds, an abusive husband of wife that snaps, or the government executing the death sentence. Understand and empathize, perhaps. Support, no. There are often many other options available to us, that we do not employ.

The tragedy last night is in lost lives needlessly over some fool or fools trying to make a big statement with a small mind. It was wrong, reckless and stupid. Period. The tragedy is in the families that are traumatized by this senseless act. The tragedy is in those that will take this act as a reason to attempt to de-legitimize the protest movement seeking real change. No one seeking real change would of authorized, sanctioned, approved, or give aid and comfort to those that perpetrated this evil. Yet we know that it will be used by the media, by political hacks, by trolls and troglodytes trumpeting their moral superiority in all things in that matter to attempt to silence the voices of protest. As a reason to silence our witness to wrongs. As if our protests were the sole cause of this action.

Don't lose sight of the fact that the protests that you see today are the outgrowth of years of coverups, push asides, legal wranglings, and political grandstanding that has taken our attempts to go thru the system and run roughshod over it. It not because we did not get the result that we wanted. It is the way were victimized a second time going thru their process.

We don't blame every officer in the world when an incident occurs. We blame that one officer and seek information, clarification and justice in that case. That case. We want truth and honesty in the investigative process, not a cover up and the attitude that only good ****** is a dead ****** from those that are sworn to protect and serve. That mentality from slavery, and the Jim Crow era is still here with us, just called a different thing now.

We want order like you want it. We want you to arrest true law breakers and threats to public safety. But not at the expense of protecting those if they are guilty of wrong doing in killing a citizen and demonizing a victim to ensure no convictions of the guilty. We as people of the melanin hue are already all painted with the same brush of your negative perceptions of us as a people. We live it and breathe it every day. That is not just our emotional attachment to a bygone ere. That is our reality 24/7. We are judged guilty before ever getting a chance to prove we are innocent. Please don't use this incident to further cloud your judgement of what the true protesters are really seeking to achieve.

We support law enforcement officers doing their jobs. We support a fair, impartial and unbiased investigative process that is transparent and true. All officers are not bad. All blacks are not criminals. All of us want to get home at the end of the day to see our families. Every day we make it home is a blessing and the results of countless amounts of prayers.

Can we just put down our weapons and talk? Real talk? No BS? No filter? I see your points way better than you think I do. An intelligent person can see validity in more than just their own opinion. An intelligent person knows statistics can and will be manipulated to say whatever you want them to say. But we can never have that conversation if you refuse to even consider my points have merit. It is that all my way and none of your way mindset that has brought this nation to this point in time in its history. Time to do something different. ‪#‎thinkaboutit‬  

Never Fail

The devil has a pernicious way of showing us the problems of our pastorates, the chaos in our church, the misunderstandings of our ministries and draws our focus off of Christ. Once our focus is off Christ we will begin the downward spiral into the depths of despair. Great relief comes to me in understanding that when the Lord sends his disciples out to preach the gospel, they come back overjoyed at the results. Folk were saved, demons cast out, the work of the Kingdom was advancing. And the Lord’s response in effect tells me that He did not send them out to fail. So true with you and I as well, the Lord did not send us out to fail. He charges us to follow Him, and be Faithful to Him. If we just abide in that calling we shall never fail.

How Long?

There is a reprehensible spirit of evil walking in this world today that justifies taking the lives it does not agree with. Gender, age, ethnicity, sexuality, - nothing matters but to advance their argument and agenda. The countless violence, blood shed of the innocents and lives lost means absolutely nothing to it, as it is justified in it's eyes. It will not be satiated by compromise or communication, only submission. To that end, these tragedies will sadly continue in various locals around this world until we as a human race stand up collectively against the evil that surrounded us.

How long O Lord? I pray for lives lost. I pray for families devastated. I pray for communities shaken. I pray for innocence lost. I pray for strength for the journey ahead.

The Challenge of the Modern Church Extending the Call

Many churches have numerous associate ministers these days. In this season of silence as I have visited numerous churches even the smallest church has had 2 to 3 associate ministers.There are literally preachers everywhere...both licensed and unlicensed.

When a church pulpit is vacant these days the pulpit is almost immediately filled by a legacy (by blood or work) or a family member of staunch supporters of the church, or a political, fraternal, connection to power brokers in the church. The reasoning is to continue the legacy of the pastor that has retired or passed. On the surface this seems to be the most logical way to continue to flow of ministry at that location. Yet one of the chilling side effects is we often cancel God out of the process.

In effect what we have done is told God that the bride of Christ is in our hands not His. We know what is best based on our plans and visions and we only need God to cosign on what we have authorized.

If it is truly an open pulpit searching for a pastor, some of the craziness that goes on can be anything but scriptural or godlike.This has also been a cause of more legacy or immediate appointments. Bartering, deals on if "I become the pastor you will become my right hand man or woman",campaigning, playing dirty pool digging up dirt on other prospective candidates because "you don't want the church to make a mistake" using scriptural qualifications to qualify or disqualify people for the position, I have seen preachers tear each other down like dogs just so they can one day be called "pastor."

Yes there are those that are committed to do right both in the pulpit and in the pew. Those that are willing to faithfully wait till placed knowing they may never ever get placed, or wait till the Lord sends even if it means waiting longer than expected. I praise God daily for those types that in their patience possess their souls. But that does not change the fact that there is a lot of foolishness and abuses that goes on. And there are both churches and preachers that have shared in that corrosive conditions willingly.

This effectively makes it almost impossible for many associate ministers that believe they have been called to pastor to even get a fair consideration at a majority of churches. They are disqualified before they ever see a face or get a hearing. This then leaves starting your own church or ministry as the most viable option to become a pastor which is part of the reason we see so many more of them in these days in order to finally get an opportunity to pastor, While only God knows the heart, this proliferation is not in any ways accidental.The old axiom in ministry is still in effect that it is better to be a pastor of a few folks than a minister with none.

My point is this. If the church belongs to God, and we belong to God, cant we just let God do His thing His way and stop with all the foolishness on all sides?

When I became a man

Many of you tell me how much you love my positive posts and how inspirational they are. This one may not be so much like that but please hear me out and consider.

For me these are the hardest two months of the year. These months where we celebrate Mother's Day and Fathers Day. They are hard for me because one was never there - even when I reached out to him and begged him to be there. The other one was there but in plain truth was alcoholic and abusive towards me physically, mentally and emotionally - mostly because she saw in me the reason my dad was not with her and thereby caused her to be a single mother. I was punished for what she saw as his choice not to be with her.

As an adult I learned far more to the story than I ever wanted to know. From the letters written to my dad and his responses to me. From family and from people who personally knew my dad and his side of the story. From trying to reach out to siblings on his side as an adult only to have that door slammed in my face, as if I don't exist. I learned more about the reasons why he did not stay from his side. I learned more about the dynamics that were in play at that time. I also learned that even though I had been told she wanted me that she actually had tried to give me away to my babysitter, not coming to see me for days and weeks till my babysitter brought me back to her home (in a different city) and told her she had to raise me. Imagine that news being dropped on you, as an adult. That the one anchor you clung to as the reason you had been in that situation really didn't exist at all.

The warm fuzzies of mom always being there was not my lot in life. I can not remember one game of mine she ever attended. Growing up I played football, baseball, soccer, wrestled, gymnastics. track and field.. Except for signing permission slips and paying moderate fees as I worked off the books since 12 somewhere and made my own money, that was where that support ended. The only extra curricular activity she ever supported was Boy Scouts because in her words she didn't "want me to be like the other n******"

I was not a perfect child, which constantly aggravated her. Never, ever would I claim this. This only aggravated me that I was not accepted at home. This began a vicious cycle of not meeting expectations and requite punishments or disaffection. Which only magnified the negativity of the situation more on both sides. My eventual diagnosis of ASD (Aspergers Syndrome) only clarified how hard it must of been for her wanting a perfect child to prove she had not made a mistake, having to deal with me and my issues.

My dad was just a voice on a telephone. A hero in absentia. My mother never once disparaged him in my presence. It was only as an adult I realized that it was because she still loved him and wished that somehow he would return. She passed more of a broken heart than from the cancer that ravaged her body. To me he was only a number I had memorized in a different city that I was only to call in case of emergency. There were no games of catch. No fishing. No correction or instruction.No how to be man or how to treat women or how to be a husband, provider, protector or priest. He could not even call me son or my boy when we did talk - referring to me as "buddy." After my mothers death I reached out to him a few times, confronted him and even openly invited him to play a part in his grandchildren's lives. Yet he chose the comfort of the alternate reality he had been living for years than to connect with what he deemed a mistake of divine origins

My life was spent running from my reality. I wished to have what I saw my classmates had. Parents that cared about them. Instead i had a father who didn't want me and a mother who abused me. I could never reconcile that, especially in light of the Christian teachings I had learned. It made me a confused, angry child. Begging for attention, desperately seeking friends and approval because I did not have it at home. I was forced to live lies in a community that knew the truth, which made me look like a liar. I never wanted to be a father not for being selfish but I never had one so I did not know how to be one. If it was not for the safety of my cousins that hung with me, kept me company and honestly (in hind sight) tolerated me being around them, I never would of made it thru childhood and the teen age years alive.

As an adult, I became able by God's grace to forgive. To find relief for the pain thru prayer and thru writing. To understand that my beginning did not have to be my end. To deal with the brokenness as a christian and as a man and eventually as a father. To understand that even my negatives as great as they were had some positives that could propel me forward to a positive place spiritually, emotionally, mentally. And while there are many that may wish I never speak of my past only because it forces them to deal with their actions or reactions to keep the past dead and buried, know that I am at peace. I speak to free others, not myself. I am free. I am stronger today because I can share it.

I write this to say to all of you, please continue to share the wonderful stories of your mother and father. Please let the world know how much they inspired you, motivated you, cared for you, encouraged you. For those of us that endured situations like mine, although we may be pained for what we did not have growing up, we are happy that others got to experience the true joys of being a part of a connected caring family. Much love to you and yours this Mother's Day.