Rawwwr

It is official. I am a dinosaur.

The realization hit me when I was driving to pick my daughter up from her late-night shift. It was not the early 430am wake-up call that convinced me. It was not the ache of muscles once taut now trembling with the weight of almost six decades on them. No, it was the voice coming from the car radio talking about the Covid - 19 pandemics that convicted me. As he began to count off the numerous well-established businesses that would close with this pandemic being listed on their death certificate as the cause of death, he began to talk about streaming services. How services like Netflix and Hulu were the big up and comers and that everyone would have to be connected to them. It was then he said that anyone who did not have or use these services were dinosaurs that would very quickly become extinct.

I hung my head. Netflix has been in business since 1997. Hulu since 2008. They have become so popular that Netflix and chill have become the mating equivalent of "let's hook up with no other baggage or expectations" jargon of a generation.

I have never streamed one thing on Netflix or Hulu. Never watched it on anyone's tablet, phone, or Tv. Never binge-watched any show or series. I have not done it. My children have. My wife has. But I have not. My streaming has been limited to occasional YouTube videos and long car drives where I will reluctantly try to find a streaming music service if I can not find a reasonable talk radio, sports station, or religious broadcast on the car radio.

I do not see the value of paying for something I will not use or use so infrequently that it makes no sense to buy it. Work, peace and quiet, and building precious few yet priceless personal relationships is what matter most to me as I approach sixty years of age. 

It is true. I am a dinosaur. Rawwwr. 

The Contrarians

When this time period is studied by those that follow us, it will be called the age of the "contrarians." That no matter what position or opinion one had, somebody had to immediately insert a contrary opinion. Not for balance or equality but to attempt to dismantle the original thought as well as the person that had it.

They will discover upon research that it has become that way because the truth is no longer absolute but subjective to the individual and which lens he or she chooses to view it from. Money, power, way of life, and greed will be found to have become the new "arbiters" of truth. if it does not make money, maintain or increase power or satiate the need to have overflowing excess, then it must be proved to be false. Integrity, ethics, morals, decency, and respect will be fossilized with the antiquities of time.

In a stunning development, they will discover that throughout the ages from the beginning of time regardless of if one holds the position of evolution or creation that man has been warned of this by scholars, prophets, seers. Men and women of various faith backgrounds and religious identification. Those who attained education at institutions of higher learning and those who just had good ole fashioned common sense. Even some who claim no belief in a religion of any kind yet were still sensitive enough to see what lay ahead and sounded the alarms.

Yet like the times gone by, in the age of the contrarians, both men and women continue to repeat the cycle of ignoring what is right before them. To fight is better than to love, to win no matter the cost more noble than peace with their neighbor. For no one knows better than they, only they have the answers - only they are right!. They have become "gods" in their own eyes; gods that hear but do not listen, hands that hurt but can not heal, hands that only "help" when they can brag on it for other material gains. They strive but know not the way of peace, use people but know not how to love.

JMO. Back to my studies.

When Rumors become Reality

Random actions often have a consequential impact. Whether by the design of the universe or by the unseen hand of God, the things we often do with the least amount of forethought end up having some of the most lasting impacts on our life. Such was the case for me on Sep 21, 2018. On that day during a break at work, I randomly typed a name into a google search. That random act completely tore me apart that day and even two weeks later I still am walking about in a state of suspended animation.

On that day, I typed my father's name into Google. Due to my job and the position I hold with the AAU, I was planning a trip to head to our annual convention to be held in his city in just a few weeks. I was planning to go see him and catch up on times since we had last spoken. Having read an article earlier in the year about him being missing for a short time, I was concerned for his health. Knowing I would be heading that way shortly had given me a sense of peace that I would be able to check on him without disrupting my work schedule more than had already been planned. But it was not to be. When the search results came back, all I could see were numerous obituary posts about my father. Immediately a sense of sadness came over me not only at his passing but at the missed moment. But it was when I clicked on the many obituaries that were posted my life once again went into a sickening tailspin that initiated from a lie told by some and covered up by many for 54 years. For my father had been dead for about one month, having passed Aug 22, 2018. Here it was a month later and no one reached out to me to let me know. Not his other children, not his brother as I was always told knew the whole story and would contact me if anything happened, not his former church secretary that hid numerous letters written to the church in the years after he relocated telling them about me in order to protect him and the new church he was then serving, not even the friends I met in life's journey that knew him and me and were aware of the situation thru other people way before they ever met me. No one.

The crushing weight of being rejected once again not only in life but in death was too much for me to handle. As much as I tried to hold it together at work, I could not, sobbing uncontrollably on the bathroom floor. This hurt worse than every fight I got into over him, every profanity-laced tirade against my mother about him. Having no father physically present while growing up in communities where the father was present in the majority of homes was a demoralizing thing to deal with as a child. No father to teach me how to be a man. No father to discipline me when I got out of line. No father to take me to my baseball, football, soccer games, wrestling practices or gymnastics meets. Yet that was all his choice in order to save his career.

From the earliest time I had a phone number memorized that I was to call in case of emergency. It was my one lifeline to him. A voice on the other end to answer my questions. I still have the number memorized to this day. This was in a time before cell phones, pagers, and apps that let you have a different number to give people than your real number. So if I called that number I would reach him, directly. I rarely used it when I was young for I had the fear of God driven into me that if I ever revealed who my father was, I would ruin his life, my mother's life; I would tear the community and churches apart. Whenever I did use it I felt guilty and waited for the wrath of God to fall on me for daring to call him my father. I eventually moved away from the community when I was 15 and went to stay with relatives down south because I could not put up with the hypocrisy or the abuse I received from my mother for literally beating me for him not choosing her.  She didn't want me, tried to give me away and only had me to try to lock him down after being in some type of relationship with him for close to 15 years. I couldn't deal with it anymore and left the church for several years over it. Little did I know that move I made down south would in some minds further the story that I was not really his child because my mother had left town to have me and now I was moving away to the same state, although a different city. Another random action.

As an adult, I reached out to him a few times. He always responded and never once told me no to any of my requests. When my mother died in 1992 I called him to let him know. He sent me money to aid in her burial. When I was dealing with my first true experience with church hurt during my first pastorate in 1994 with no one else to turn to, I drove all the way from Virginia to his city in Ohio (pre GPS days) with the determination that he would own up to me that day and help me, or come Sunday I would share copies of every love letter he had written my mother with the entire congregation. Him not knowing my plans when he met me owned up to me and the tempest within me was calmed if only for a season.

In 2002 I finally had enough of the lies. I was being called a liar by my church for not saying who my father was like he was a common criminal. Because I claim New Jersey as my home - even though I was born in Virginia a month premature during a trip my mother made to see some friends before I was to be born, I was branded a liar. Why couldn't I tell them who he was if I wasn't ashamed of him or was there something in his past that would have caused them not to call me? I wrote my dad and literally called him on the carpet for abandoning me. That I had had a colossal error in judgment and had a child out of wedlock myself yet I didn't hide her from the church. In retrospect it was kinda funny to see the son wrestle scriptural points and positions with his father who was a biblical college professor. But back down I would not. I offered him right then an opportunity to have a DNA test I would pay for if he had any doubts. For now, as an adult, I had begun to hear the doubts over whether I was his or not based on the temperament and alcoholic addiction of my mother. That just because I looked like him didn't mean I was his. I had run into enough people who lived in his city as well as where I had grown up and it reduced me to being a little kid all over again if asked anything about my father. He refused the test and wholeheartedly said he was my father. He actually got real mad at me for saying it but what he didn't know is I was talking to people that knew his wife's family that told a whole different story than what I heard growing up - that my mother was pinning me on him when I wasn't his. He explained the situation in ways that filled in some gaps but made it clear his number one priority was saving his career when she rejected his offer of support and care but not marriage. Which I corroborated with the letters from him that she had kept up until her death. While I didn't agree with the reasoning I understood as it is commonplace occurrence in the ministry. In 2004 he finally met two of his grandchildren for the first time face to face when he came and preached for me in North Carolina.

At no time did he ever reject me, to me. Never. I have no doubt that he loved me but he could not and did not show it because of what he felt it would ultimately cost him. A reputation, a career, the adoration of the other children, and who knows what else. After all, to tell a lie for 54 years and keep it going is kind of an incredible thing. But what he did do was not reveal or deny me to anyone else. So while protecting himself he left me exposed to deal with all of the hurt and pain. Imagine the pain  I felt listening to a tribute radio show all about him and they lovingly gush about all his children being there for him and what a man he was and I wasn't there. Knowing the brothers and sisters are all also in the ministry of some type and not a word from one of them. Not acknowledged. Not known. Rejected again. Is it because he never told them? Or is it because he told them and they can't process the fact that the rumor is a reality? Or is it the whole "we will understand it better by and by" mindset and move on with your life famous in church circles when they don't want to deal with anything unpleasant? When I needed him as a child he was never there. Only once did I physically see him and talk with him while in counseling over him during Middle School. In a small room closed to the eyes of the world protected by confidentially, I finally laid my eyes on the one who I was always told I was his twin. It would be close to 40 years later (sound familiar) when I saw him again.

I never got what I needed from him as a child. That was forgiven. All I needed from him as an adult was acknowledgment not acceptance. As a man. As being a part of him, even if unplanned or uncomfortable. That was all I sought. From him. From them. For me, and my children who never got to really know their grandfather. They never gave him a cute nickname. Never posed for pictures with him. Never had him as the giant of the faith as he was, to speak into their life. The spiritual implications are staggering.

Eventually, I will write a book on this. There is so much more to tell and so much more to teach. Too many of us deal with this on so many levels. My little bit of sharing my story has revealed much of the same pain in the pulpit of churches across this land as preachers have been abandoned by their fathers in order to save themselves, yet speak of it in glowing spiritual terms. Some even take credit for the child's accomplishments even though they did not contribute anything more than the dna.

I am finally free to share this with the world.

Not Cliff, but Bill.

"Cliff Huxtable" is not in prison. Bill Cosby is. We knew and loved Cliff. We did not know Bill. Cliff still speaks to us. Bill has lost his voice due to his own life choices. Long before the physical blindness Bill suffered from another blindness that left him unable to truly "see." As a result he made the damnable choices that has him locked away. Horrid choices for which there is no excuse.

I feel no sorrow for Bill. But I didn't know him. I knew Cliff. I knew Fat Albert. We knew Cliff. We knew Fat Albert. Fat Albert and Cliff are still loved, admired, and revered. Fat Albert taught us that being in a crew or gang didn't have to be about being in fights, protecting territory, selling drugs. Fat Albert taught us it was ok to include people in your crew that were different from you. Fat Albert taught us to be kind to people and to stay in school. Cliff encouraged kids to go to school and particularly to support HBCU's. Cliff was the funny man with a strong hand and loving heart that would be welcome in any home and at any family reunion. Yes Cliff was a character played by a fully flawed actor in a role that spoke to millions across racial and economic lines. But as many as who called him "America's Dad" there were those mad that a black man was bequeathed that moniker.

Perhaps what we should be sad about. Characters, athletes, get so much of our love and adoration not because of their popularity or truths spoken but because we can't believe in those close to us. As a result we trust those that play those roles. We like to admire what we know is fake surpressing that fact because the real we know leaves us disappointed and crushed every time.

Beware when your idols are make believe. #themoreyouknow

The Day Truth Died

No one knows the exact time of death for there was no one attending to its care. Sure, the signs and symptoms of its demise were painfully evident yet they where still ignored by those who claimed to be its guardians. Perhaps it has had a long life and we should let it rest in peace buried with other noble ideals of the past such as humility, sacrifice, compassion, and love. After all it's attack and death was predicted eons ago and it has finally been fulfilled. From the first challenge in the garden till this moment truth has been under attack.  Angels assaulted it. Pilate questioned it. Man buried it. Philosophers pondered it. Scientists searched for it. Mathematicians sought formulas for it. Not always to follow it mind you but to undermine it, challenge it, subvert it,ignore it, color it, change it, make it not exist and finally see its final resting place in the grave of time.

There was a time when the church held to truth above all. Differences in dogma aside, the universal truth shone brightly through. Different denominations served different takes on the same meal. But money and sin have long changed the taught truths of every religion into a lie, and replaced the traditions of men over the eternal truths. Holy texts are now regularly updated with new and improved revisions which conveniently remove the truths we don't want to hear. Modern cultural centered revelation supersedes time proven historical interpretation. Those who hold to ancient texts are labeled fanatical fuddie duddies out of touch with modern society and shunned to have no right to speak or lead unless they change the truths of their God and religion into a lie easily accepted by the masses.

The courts were once bastions of the truth. Where the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth was to be uttered and accepted. The scales of Lady Liberty always balanced and fair we were told. Alas money and power have assaulted the truth there as well, No longer truth remains Supreme through the hallowed halls of Justice but only what one can prove. If one has enough money they can prove the damnedest lie to be a truth. If one has enough money any conviction or punishment reduced or dropped altogether. If one has no money any lie can stand against them. If one has power and position to offer, truth can be lost for years in an evidence locker, or in the trunk of a retired officials basement. The number of innocents convicted are at an all time high yet some still say it takes a few broken eggs to make an omelette.

The family was the safe place for the truth. Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle Cousin, Niece, Nephew, Cousin, sons and daughter could learn right from wrong. After all they are the first teachers to show the way to know the truth of this world. Until they step out of the house and are immediately told to forget what they have been told or they will not pass a test. Forget what you have been told for we know better than your family. Forget what you have told...take this drink, smoke these drugs, do these things...it's ok...we know better than they!

Make no mistake that truth has died. It no longer matters what our eyes see, because you didn't see it right. No matter what you heard it had to be taken out of context. No matter what you feel if the polls don't support it, well you are just wrong and delusional my friend. Opinions - often paid for by extreme political dollars have now replaced truth as the order of the day. No absolute is allowed to exist under its withering assault of which there are fifty shades of right are only allowed. We agree to disagree which being loosely translated still says there is no truth by my truth.

Social media has allowed us to share the irrelevant in order to become relevant. Likes and shares are more sought after than truth. Popularity increases the opinionated "it must be true" factor. Now it is what they can sell to us that masquerades as truth. This is why they take sayings and attach them to pictures of the rich and famous as if they said them. Don't believe the words on its own merit but believe the person because you like then and then by association you must believe the words.

Then they blame us. For being gullible. For buying the garbage they sell us as truth. No responsibility for their own actions, they just gave us "what we wanted." For a price and biy what a price that was.

Truth has died. Coded. Flatlined.  I don't know the exact day. I don't know the exact time. But it died. It died of neglect. Lack of care. An unwillingness as its caretakers to stand in support of it. We all are guilty of its death.

The good news is that we all can take part in its resurrection! Any seed that is buried has the opportunity to grow. These may be truths written of old yet they still ring true as the truth! The prophet Zechariah wrote "These are the things that ye shall do; Speak ye every man the truth to his neighbour; execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates:"  The Apostle Paul declared Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

Speak truth. Listen with heart, mind and soul. Listen to learn and appreciate another's experience not defend yours. Learn to love differences. If we can bring back truth, we can bring back those other crucial items buried in the grave of time - compassion, love, humility, sacrifice. 

Shhh!

A seed grows with no sound but a tree falls with huge noise. Destruction has noise, creation is quiet. This is the power of silence. Yet we have become uncomfortable with silence. There always has to be some noise, some other sign of movement or activity for many of us in order to even function. How many times have you heard “it’s too quiet in here” or “turn on the radio or tv for some noise?”

As I sit writing this now I am completely removed from any other noise in my house other than my own heartbeat, my breathing, and the sounds of my fingers as they strike the keys of my laptop. Headphones mute the other random outside noises to an absolute minimum. I am alone with my thoughts. In such silence I am able to create and construct, define and discern, legitimize and lay aside, set goals and grow.

In silence you are able to clearly hear what is being spoken by the unseen architect of the universe. Be it through the beauty of nature, the seeming random movements of animals, the observed interactions of others

Noise distracts. It keeps you from hearing clearly, from conceiving boldly, and from positioning yourself properly for growth. It matters not if the noise is audial, spiritual, mental, or emotional. It’s sole purpose is to keep you from hearing, conviceving, positioning and growing.

If you want to hear clearly, conceive great things, properly position yourself with purposeful intent and grow into fullness, learn how to be quiet and sit in silence.

We Must Repent

As a country we have removed morality, ethics, conscience, faith, and religion as ruling guiding forces for our country. We have literally made our selves "gods" able to discern what is good and evil in our own eyes. We alone dictate what is right. No one else can determine this for us and woe be unto them if they try.

Yet whenever tragedy occurs - be it via nature or man made -
we cry out for the very same things we demanded not be in place in our country. We invoke the name of God that we have shunned a long time ago as out of touch and irrelevant for modern man. We call for a return to standards of morality, ethics, and conscience that we demanded we wanted to be free from.

What we did not see and refused to admit is that the things we crave most - love, compassion, respect for our fellow man, fear of consequences of doing wrong things were ALL ROOTED in the same things we summarily dismissed from our country. This mess is our own making. Until we as a country OWN that, we will stay stuck in this mess.

Instead we have replaced morality, ethics, conscience, faith and religion with politics, money, laws, and the power of the press as the our guiding principles. These are our governing forces in this country. These are the tenets of our new modern day religious order. Never seeing that each one corrupts the other. Each one can be and often is bought. That manipulation of the masses starts with the removal of the things we removed and is complete with the ownership of politics, money, laws, and the press.These have conspired together in an unholy alliance to silence the one place where the light of truth should always shine bright - the church; God's church. Now we have philosophers, self help gurus and life coaches masquerading as prophets, preachers, and pastors. All adding to the continued downfall of this country.

This is not by coincidence or accident. This is a concerted effort. This battle is not one of flesh and blood, but of principalities and powers. Against the rulers of the darkness. Against spiritual wickedness in high places. We have removed God from His throne and installed Dagon, Baal and ourselves as god.

Yet like Dagon of biblical days they have no arms to save, no eyes to see, no ability to save. We cry unto Baal yet there is no response. It is my personal belief that our Dagon must fall. The prophets of Baal can cry all day and night and there will still be no response. For Baal can not save us either. Until we repent AS A COUNTRY we will be stuck.

To repent is not to apologize. To repent is not to say oops. To repent is not to say my bad. To repent is not to say you caught me. To repent is not to lawyer up and plea bargain your case to a more favorable verdict. It is godly sorrow for sin. It is seeing sin not as we see it but as God sees it. It is seeing that it breaks the heart of a loving Father to have disobedient children, knowing they must be disciplined yet hating to do so because of His love for us. It is seeing the horror of what we have done not just as individuals but as a nation. To repent is to ask forgiveness from God. Knowing we deserve the full punishment for our sins, yet pleading the blood of Jesus Christ as the only atonement for our sins. To seek Him to wash the stink of the wretchedness as far as the east is from the west. To repent is to turn away from those things that were an affront to God. Not as a process, not in time, not after you can pass legislation or get your ducks in order, but immediately. To repent is to make peace with your fellow man and if you have wronged him, to make proper restitution. It is not up to the other to accept but it is up to you to offer. To repent is to walk in the newness of the light and love of God, determined to live for Him.

If my people which are called by name shall humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways THEN will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. We must hold up our part before we can rightly expect God to hold up His. That is not optional.

This burden

"The burden of the brutalized is not to comfort the bystander."

How many names are not called out because of little to no media attention? How many have been kept out the limelight, swept under the rug and ignored? How many have been shamed and shunned into silence by the same forces that committed the evil upon them in the first place? How many told that no one will believe them? Told you can't win in the courts, or in public opinion so you may as well give up and go on about your business?

How many more names will be added to this list in our generation? When in our lifetime will we all admit that there is a problem here? That being black in America has never meant free, no matter what we were taught in schools or what ideals we like to proclaim that we have? That no matter our status, social standing, degrees of learning, economic status, political affiliation we are still subject to a level of inequality and distress not visited upon those absent of melanin. That no matter if we are quiet or defend ourselves; if we are calm and rational or agitated and irrational we are seen as a threat first by the majority of people in this country. Especially those that do not look like us. As a result we are dealt with as a threat first. Only when the threat has been "minimized, and neutralized" in their minds by those in power, are we ever given a chance to prove somehow that we are worthy of being treated fairly, justly, and with respect to our human condition.

The time for silence is over. We must speak the truth to those in power. Our voices must be heard. We must no longer duck our heads, fade into the background of the day so as not to make those around us uncomfortable with the realities of the day. Divide and conquer has always been used against us to keep us on the sidelines so as not to appear too radical or out of touch with the "american dream." "You are not like them" is not now nor ever been a complement. It is a war strategy, designed to weaken our unity. It is to divide us against ourselves, to set one group against another, to pit the house against the field, to give illusion that one group is better than when in reality we are all regardless of position or social standing despised the same by those that harbor hatred, evil, and blood lust in their souls.

Light is the best antiseptic. We must cast light on the evils of the day until a change happens. if not us, who? If not now, when? Use your voice to cry loud and spare not. Use your song! Sing till the angels come to inquire about the state of men and the ancestors of past struggles bones come together bone to bone with those who struggle now. Use your pen! Write poetry, spoken word, essays, blogs, letters and posts with clarity of convictions yet with compassion towards those that are merely caught up in the riptide of evil having no ill intent towards any one. Use your mind! Think deeper than the surface and media manipulation to know that the truth like great riches is often hidden from the lazy. Shine the light bright! Where there is political injustice, speak! Social injustice, speak! Racial injustice, speak! Miscarriages of justice, speak! Don't wait for change, work for it and be it!

Speak life!

"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."

Beware

Beware of vultures. Vultures feed off the dead things in your life. The dead things in your life give them strength to live. Without the dead things they go and search elsewhere. The issue is not that you don't recognize that thing as dead, but that you have left it open and available to feed off of. The best way to get rid of the vultures in your life is to bury your dead things in an unmarked grave.

Before you crown him King

Before you call someone King you need to know how he became King. How he got to the throne has a direct bearing on how he will treat you should you truly become his Queen.

Some come by divine assignment
Others by divine appointment
Some by birth
Others thru death
Some earn in battle
Some ursurp the throne
And others are gifted with it by others who recognize their Kingship.

So...what kind of King are you claiming? 

Forgiveness and Grace

The offender has no right or standing to demand forgiveness for his or actions: be they acts of commission or omission; things misinterpreted or things implied, things done or things avoided. To do so is to not truly seek right relationship with the offended but to avoid responsibility as the offender for pain caused or retribution owed. Forgiveness is solely an act of grace bestowed on those who are indeed guilty and undeserving. The grace of forgiveness releases the offender from the penalty of the offense but not the sentence,

We are still guilty, We are still in debt for our deeds, We owe a price we can not pay. Oh but for grace extended and forgiveness granted upon we who do not deserve it and often mishandle it. May we never misapply the wonderful truth of what forgiveness is and how thru it grace is bestowed upon we who do not truly deserve it. #dailymemo

The Cost is Too High

More and more the platform for true and fair competition in every walk of life is being eroded all around us by the drive to win at all costs. We have become a society that loves winning or the perception in the minds of others that we have won so much, that we will say and do absolutely anything to win. Whether on the job, in the sporting arena, the home, the marriage, the political sphere or even on social media the idea that "I must win at all costs" has become inextricably woven to the soul of who we are as people.

This frightens me.

When you look at the concept of American exceptionalism, it is nothing more than grandstanding pompously thumping our chests to the rest of the world to say America is a winner. When you watch sporting programs, you see the winner celebrated even if they won by the slimmest of margins or the flukiest of circumstances while the is loser decimated and dismantled. Not just on the field mind you, but by those paid to in effect bury them alive via their opinions. In the home, peace is pushed aside in favor of who is right. In the political realm we see the mudslinging, demonizing, pathological lying and twisting of facts and truth in order to secure a win for one side or the other. A devilish game that all sides play yet all equally deny.

The shame in all of this is we have crossed a line; left it far behind us in our rear view mirror many hundreds of miles. It is no longer fair, or fun, or even conceivable to the well balanced soul anymore what we do in order to win. We say the scandalous, do the despicable, insinuate the incredulous, post the preposterous, trumpet the thoughtless and commit to the most vile craven parts of our human existence only to be able to say we or our side won.  We destroy others just to say we won.

What have we really come to? In effect this is what we saw this past National election cycle. Not only during the process and subsequent vote, but on social media, in protests, on news shows and opinion web sites. In coffee houses, chat rooms, teacher lounges, and church parking lots. That winning is all that matters. How we do it is irrelevant. Who we hurt, run over, destroy, and slander is immaterial. Only the results matter, for only they are ultimately judged by history. Not only will we do these things, but we will then disavow, disengage, deny and down play those things afterwards as if it didn't happen or it meant nothing at all. With a wink and a nod thrown in of course because that is not who we really are.

My friends we must slam the brakes on this mindset, turn the car around and head back towards a place of balance. If we do not, we will careen off the cliffs into a canyon of chaos that we are rapidly approaching. Much quicker than many of us anticipate. Compassion, caring and commitment to be a loving community must be where we point ourselves towards as a people. We can not live like this anymore. As a people. As a nation. As a world. Enough is enough.

Retribution has become normalization for our culture. We are damaging relationships beyond earthly repair...fathers against sons and mothers against daughters. All to say we won what? An argument? A competition? A post? A flame war? A vote? Surely much more was intended out of life than this. For we can not retract words once spoken or deeds done. Many today would shout karma but before karma ever became a mainstream concept for the masses we learned thru spiritual development and the songs of our fore-bearers "you will reap what you sow and what you plant surely will grow." To belittle people for not getting past or over things you did to them is to be a bully of the worst order. Allowing you to do your dirt, while throwing shade on those you purposefully intended to hurt in the first place. Living and dying by the sword becomes a cyclical outcome with no end in sight. In words often spoken down south "you kill my dog, I kill your cat." That has become the new normal for this country. The win at all costs culture is a linchpin of it.

As a former athlete, coach, and entrepreneur, I have absolutely nothing against winning and pursuing it passionately. We do not coach to lose. We want our athletes to want to win bad. I am against undermining others to win, But I don't want to coach an athlete that has to do what Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan in order to win. I don't want to coach an athlete that takes short cuts to climb the mountain of success. You don't cheat, you conquer. Conquer with persistence, commitment, training and sheer will. Conquer by being the better person, inside and out. I am against tearing down others to say we won or should of won. I am against teaching athletes who will one day go out in the real world that if they don't win they are consigned to the scrapheap of failure for perpetuity. There are many lessons to be learned in losing - perhaps many more than in winning. You win with humility and lose with grace. You redouble your positive efforts and eliminate negativity. You learn and move forward.

I want to win. But I don't want to win at all costs. Not is coaching. Not in competing. Not in life. That price is way to high to pay. We are seeing that as a country now.

Let's turn around while we have time and space.

Dream!!!

One of the greatest crimes is when we tell children and adults "don't dream your dream, stop imagining your ideas, stay in reality, don't be different." We intentionally disable the creative mechanism for the sake of a neutered normalcy then wonder where are the creators, the dreamers, the idea people of the next generation? We have buried them in coffins of complacency because we are afraid of being seen as being different AND being connected to them. Or are we afraid that they will awaken within us dreams that have been dumped in favor of an easier predictable path? Dream again. Believe Again. Imagine again! Live your dream!

I'm Sorry...

Doesn't exist anymore in our culture. Neither does "I was or am wrong" "I apologize" "it will never happen again" or "I truly didn't mean it." Even the stronger biblical word repentance has disappeared from our collective souls on this earth. It has become a sign of weakness to say these words, A sign of vulnerability to admit error. A sign that you are in some moment in time acted in a manner that was less than civil, gracious, lawful, or agreeable.  A brief moment in time when someone or something stands above you as victor.

Why is that? Is it merely ego? Or has it become a social and economic necessity to never admit wrong.

The curse of ego is always seemingly at the forefront to be sure. To admit wrong to many is the same thing as admitting defeat. This is something they have never been emotionally, socially, or mentally prepared to handle. By many, admitting wrong is seen as just as big of a character flaw than whatever was done. While many quote "it is better to ask forgiveness than permission," the naked truth is many don't ask for forgiveness at all.

Since when do we ask permission to say hurtful things to people? To say things that are demeaning and without a shred of common decency? Perhaps the issue is decency in our land has become uncommon. We want to say and do what we want to whomever we want and suffer no repercussions from it. Yet we don't extend that same right to others that disagree with us. We get to hurt others cause of the ancient ritual of "sticks and stones" but they can't hurt us because that is unfair, unpatriotic and just downright wrong. But I digress.

In many cases to say these words opens the doors to litigation and loss of money. Car insurance guidelines always remind us that if we are in an accident, never to admit fault. Even if we know beyond a shadow of a doubt we were at fault. Lawyers advise their clients to say nothing at all to impair their ability to defend you...again even if you know you were wrong. They do not admit fault in investigations, arrests, and judgement knowing not only does it jeopardize one case, but many cases. Numerous businesses, organizations, agencies, politicians and the like that know that they are in the wrong use this tactic and then lawyer up to do as much as possible from admitting error or fault. In their minds it is better for someone to walk away knowing they have been wronged with no apology, than to just man up and apologize.

So we shut up. We deny. We say we have no recollection of events. That we do not remember. If evidence is presented to prove that things were known at the time and wrong, the appalling and condescending " if I somehow offended you, THEN I am sorry" which puts all the blame on the one offended as being too weak to handle whatever was dished out. Or like the siblings forced to come together and make amends we mutter "sorry" under our breath yet have our fingers crossed behind our back.

This is where we are today.

I remember a time when saying sorry was not a death sentence. When saying forgive me was not made into a weakness that others would take advantage of but a sign or maturity and respect. When it was better to apologize for the sake of peace than to fight to win a fight that didn't even matter in the grand scheme of life. When I didn't mean to hurt you was not met with derisive scorn and laughter but compassion and understanding. In fifty two years of living, I have seen a lot of things come and go, but seeing this one go pains me greatly.

For that, I am truly sorry.

When the church doesn't call

For the past two Sundays I have been waiting with my phone close at hand. Constantly checking to see if I had missed a call, or if it had inadvertently gone to voice mail. As the day wore on I automatically knew that if the church had indeed voted for a pastor, that I had not been selected. It seems to be standing operating procedure these days to not contact the runner up of a vote just in case the first choice turns the church down. This way they can offer the church to the runner up as if they had actually been the first choice, when in reality they were not.

Later that evening my hunch based on many years experience was confirmed via text message. While the initial feelings of rejection (because in reality that is what it is) are always strong, we who have been called by God to lead His people are forced to put the rejection of serving God at that capacity at that moment in some type of polite packaging fit for consumption.

We quote scriptures as "all things work together for the good of them that love God and are the called according to his appearing." We declare and decree that greater is coming. We are adamant that they let the best one get away. We get prayer partners to touch and agree that another door will be opened. We even have people throwing more pastoral leads at us, telling us the church made a mistake and just hold on awhile, or even that this is a sign to start your own church.

Yet honestly, we hurt. There is perhaps no greater pain of rejection than to feel as if you are rejected from doing the work of God, and by extension by God himself. No matter how blithely we try to go about our business, it gets to us. We are conditioned to equate the call of God to Pastor and the fact that a church selects us as confirmation of the call. Many times a minister is not even ordained until this happens, So when the church does not call, it appears to many that you have been forsaken, forgotten, or in the words of a friend "fired and you just haven't got the memo yet."

What we conversely also are conditioned to believe is that if a church doesn't call, that something is desperately and undeniably wrong with the candidate. There is a fatal flaw perhaps well hidden that renders them incapable and unworthy of the position. That they fall short not only in the eyes of the church but in the eyes of God himself. And if by chance it is many years that a minister is not called to pastor, it becomes a mark of shame on their record. You hear the murmurs "what is wrong with them that no one has selected them yet?" While many official church meetings may never propose that question, off the record conversations before or after the meeting, at the cars, in the homes, on the telephones unofficially it happens almost universally.

This last rejection caused me to look back over the years since I had relocated to a different part of the country. A place where I literally had no connections, no one that knew me and no one who had any knowledge of my ministry experiences. In a six year period, I ministered at six established churches with vacant pulpits and had officially been a pastoral candidate at five of those churches. This means I became one of the final two or three for the position of pastor of that church. Out of those five churches not one of them called to officially inform me that I was not the candidate they chose. I found out via texts, phone calls from fellow ministers loosely connected with the church and even on Facebook. Only one sent me a letter to officially notify me, even though by that time I already knew. All of which got me to thinking what do we do when the church doesn't call? Does that mean our time spent ministering at those churches was in vain? Does it mean we are forever consigned to only fill the gap until the next pastor is chosen? Does it mean we need to overhaul how both churches and ministers approach the process of applying for and filling vacant pulpits?

How do we the redeemed handle the rejection of the redeemed? Let's briefly consider the following:

1.) Are you called to Pastor?

This is crucial to understand right from the onset. Because truthfully we have glorified the position of pastor so that in order to be "accepted" by the Body of Christ and your fellow cadre of preachers,you have to be a pastor. It has long been said it is better to be a pastor of five to ten folks than a pastor of none. Being a pastor is equated with leadership, therefore not being a pastor means you are not a leader in the view of many. Trying to do much of the work in conferences, associations, and conventions without being a pastor is often a long tough upward pull in the snow and ice, with nothing but sneakers on. No matter how good or great of a person and preacher you are seen to be, not being a pastor is often a cause for many of your own peers not to see, hear, or follow you, let alone acknowledge you.

Truthfully many have not been called to pastor. They are great preachers, teachers, evangelists, and prophets, but not pastors. They do not have a pastors heart or spirit. They are looking to further the areas of ministry that are their calling but attempting to use the pastoral platform to do so. Many churches are still struggling on how to embrace the diversity of gifts present in their church so that all may grow in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Many pastors are uncomfortable having a lot of ministers serve under them and some are intimidated if one or two are seen as a better preacher than they are by the congregation. And many ministers do not have the patience to wait for the right opportunities to use the gifts that the Lord has entrusted to them. This often leads to division and schisms in the local body.

This leaves many newer ministers floundering, looking for instruction, mentoring, practical training, for guidance, counsel looking to accepted and validated in their calling. This has them running from house to house and door to door, seeking a place that will welcome their gifts. Many will strike out on their own to start their own church or ministry where they can fulfill what they believe that God is calling for them to do.

2.) Did God tell you to apply in the first place?

Just because a church is vacant, does not mean that you should apply. You may not be ready for it. You may not be a fit for the church. More churches and preachers are marginalized in ministry due to not being a good fit for each other.  I remember when I first started preaching in 1988 I was asked by one of the deacons of the church I was baptized at to submit a resume for the church. This would of been an opportunity for me to go back to my home state, to people who knew me growing up and to a church that I had belonged to for many years, even teaching Sunday School as a youth. It would of automatically given me status in the community and in the preaching community.

Yet I would of arrived prematurely at a spot I knew that I was not ready for. That could of been disastrous to me, my family and the church. Thank God for the wisdom of knowing that I was not ready for that church. That I knew I was young, inexperienced, and a bad fit at that time was a blessing from above. If I had allowed ego, desire, or peer pressure to push me in to applying, I may not even be here to write this blog. Every church is not a fit for every pastoral candidate. At some point, the prospective pastor must do some critical self evaluation and eliminate some places from their application process. Not because of size, money or demographics - because it is not a good fit. You don't know that unless you spend time in prayer with God and let Him guide you.

At this stage of my life and ministry with me being much closer to the end of my journey than the beginning, I rarely apply for churches. I visit them if invited to or led by the Holy Spirit, minister if asked and only submit a resume upon their request. This allows me to see them in their natural environment if you will, pray for guidance and make a preliminary determination if we might even be a fit, before we go anywhere in the process.  This way I do not waste their time clogging up their process. While this drastically reduces my odds of being called to a church, it has also afforded me wonderful opportunities to get to know the people of each church and be a servant to them.

3.) Did you do what God told you to do while in the process?

This a crucial question of self evaluation and stewardship. Many times in the quest to be liked, appreciated or chosen by a congregation we compromise our beliefs, our convictions, our personalities and our preaching. As I told a minister the other day we play dumb so we are not seen as too smart and therefore too uppity. Or we try to impress with words, phrases, language and mannerisms we have zero fluency with so that they don't think we are untrained.

In the case of this last church that I did not receive the call from, I had visited the church about three years ago for a couple of Sundays. Last June while fellowshipping at another church I clearly heard the Lord tell me to go back over to this church. I did as I was told and the Lord again clearly told me to stay until I tell you to. So I did just that. The pastor opened the pulpit up to me, and even allowed me to go out and represent him at other local churches. Unexpectedly the pastor died three months later. He had not been ill so this was a tremendous blow to the church.  And it was then I knew why God had told me to go there. To be a comfort and assist to them as they were going through the grieving process and to help them until they called their next pastor. That was my role in being there, and it was my job to be faithful to that role regardless of what happened. I was a temp worker not meant to be a permanent hire at that location. Although I wanted it to be a long term assignment, it was only designed to be a short term one.

A second part of this is knowing the role that you fill as an evangelist during the candidacy period vs being their pastor. Pastoral statements are not yours to make, no matter how much you think they like you and how many "amens" you get. There will always be someone at every church saying you need to take charge and be "a pastor" well before they have chosen anyone. Be mindful that the same hand that pats you on the back can often push you down the stairs.

4.) Did you give your very best?

Again, this strikes to our stewardship. Did we offer our best as unto the Lord, or did we just "dial it in" because they weren't  ready, don't get it, etc? We lose sight of the fact that this service that we render is unto the Lord first and foremost. There should never be a reason that prohibits you from personally giving your best.

Rev. Dr. Johnny Youngblood when preaching at the St Paul Community Baptist Church in New York as a candidate for the pastorship tells of his sincere desire not to be the pastor. He writes in his book Upon this Rock: The Miracles of a Black Church that  he did everything he could do in his mind to prevent them from choosing him. But the one thing he could not bring himself to do is not give his best in the ministry of the word. The record shows that he was elected the pastor and served that church and community for many many years with colorful distinction

In no way am I applauding or advocating for an approach similar to Rev. Dr.  Youngblood. What I am saying is that we should always give our best every time we are afforded an opportunity to minister in His name and for His glory. Nothing less will do.

5.) Did you truly commit to the Lord's way being done, no matter what it was?

Being the candidate of a church changes you more than you realize. It is one thing just to get an opportunity to minister to a church that is looking for a pastor. But once they put you down as a candidate things change drastically. You begin to think well what if I do become the pastor....what would I do...what kind of furniture do I want in my study...who will preach my installation? You move from the realm of no way it is happening and I am just here to serve to it is possible I will be your next pastor. And if you consider yourself a person of faith, you feel guilty for not thinking any way other than it will happen. After all how can they not select you? (See what happens there?)

But if it is like 99% of our churches there is at least one other person in the running. Even if it is a "shadow" candidate - meaning one only put there to ensure the appearance of a fair vote by a board to the congregation when that candidate has not been afforded the same due processes of anyone else.
Just the mere specter of a vote means you can lose.  What if you do lose? Can you still see God's hand in it? Or will you cry loud about the unfairness, rigged votes, protocols and procedures violated? Can you humbly and honestly say "thy will be done" even if it personally places you in a position of loss and rejection?

6.) Are you willing to follow Him, even if you never get that position?

This is the unthinkable for many yet I have several friends and associates around the country that are struggling with this exact same issue right now.  When you think of one church rejecting you, it is soon considered water over the bridge. Oh well, just move on to the next church. What happens when the one turns to two...the two turns to five..the one year turns to two years and two years turn to six years? What happens if for the length and breadth of your remaining life, no call to pastor comes your way? What happens if you know that God has called you to that work yet no church confirms that call.  You never get the chance to be called Pastor, other than as a term of respect or polite civility. Forever consigned to be a jackleg or wanna be by many due to circumstances well beyond your control.

I have friends in this position that have been in ministry as long as I have. Not once have they received that call to be a pastor. The cruel things that people and other preachers have said about them because they are not pastoring is ungodly and reprehensible. Growing up you always heard the of those ministers that never got called to a church to pastor - associate ministers for life was the kindest thing you ever heard. You never think you will personally know one. Or become one.

In one of my favorite texts, Jesus ordains twelve that they should be with Him and that He might send them forth to preach. The understanding to me is unmistakable. We are called to be with Him regardless of where He is and what He does. He sets us apart for whatever task He pleases - we have no input or objection to override His choice. While He might send us out to preach, our first call is to be with Him.

That is a call we should be available to answer any time.

If I should become

If I should become a hashtag know I don't drink. Haven't since college. I never did drugs of any kind. Ever. I don't take medications and have no prescriptions that would alter my mood. I do not have a criminal record except for forgetting about a traffic court hearing many years ago. I don't speed - ask anyone who has driven with me.

I didn't yell, scream, curse or belittle anyone. I did not reach for anything unless I was told to and even then I clearly asked permission to do so before i did. I do not carry my wallet in my pocket for just such a reason and have not for over 25 years. I did not resist in any matter.

All the good things I have done in this life will be not talked about in an effort to find bad stuff about me. This is what you will be told over and over again. This is what happens when people to justify actions, even when wrong. When you talk about my good they will blame you for trying to paint a sympathetic picture of your father. The weight of the media will be crushing and insane.

I refuse to say it can't happen to me. That it won't happen to me. The evidence is stacked and mounting higher every day. This is a new civil rights war we are facing. More daunting than the first because now we also are fighting the illusion that there are no problems and those that profit from attempting to maintain that illusion. The level of dissonance is incredibly high from unbelief, ignorance, to out right denial and even acceptance.

But if becoming a hashtag means people will finally get it. That we will not just talk, post opinions, defend and deny but do something about these very real problems we have right now. If one more family doesn't have to go thru the horror of seeing or hearing about their loved one in such a manner. if it means you can live in peace and be accepted in this place called America for who you are and not what others want you to be,

I would gladly be a hashtag today. I would gladly die so you can live in peace.

#realtalkwithmygirls #yesitisthatreal #heavyheartbutmadeupmind

Another day; another tragedy

Make no mistake. I fully support the right to assemble peacefully and protest. I support the right to speak on issues that need to be heard, even if they make others uncomfortable. I support the right to create movements to enact change. I support the right of all to live peacefully without fear of being shot or killed for protesting or protecting protesters. I support officers that stand tall and take seriously the oath that they took and exercise it without fear or prejudice.

In no way do I support taking a life. Whether it is a criminal on the street, a drunk behind the wheel of a vehicle, an officer overstepping their bounds, an abusive husband of wife that snaps, or the government executing the death sentence. Understand and empathize, perhaps. Support, no. There are often many other options available to us, that we do not employ.

The tragedy last night is in lost lives needlessly over some fool or fools trying to make a big statement with a small mind. It was wrong, reckless and stupid. Period. The tragedy is in the families that are traumatized by this senseless act. The tragedy is in those that will take this act as a reason to attempt to de-legitimize the protest movement seeking real change. No one seeking real change would of authorized, sanctioned, approved, or give aid and comfort to those that perpetrated this evil. Yet we know that it will be used by the media, by political hacks, by trolls and troglodytes trumpeting their moral superiority in all things in that matter to attempt to silence the voices of protest. As a reason to silence our witness to wrongs. As if our protests were the sole cause of this action.

Don't lose sight of the fact that the protests that you see today are the outgrowth of years of coverups, push asides, legal wranglings, and political grandstanding that has taken our attempts to go thru the system and run roughshod over it. It not because we did not get the result that we wanted. It is the way were victimized a second time going thru their process.

We don't blame every officer in the world when an incident occurs. We blame that one officer and seek information, clarification and justice in that case. That case. We want truth and honesty in the investigative process, not a cover up and the attitude that only good ****** is a dead ****** from those that are sworn to protect and serve. That mentality from slavery, and the Jim Crow era is still here with us, just called a different thing now.

We want order like you want it. We want you to arrest true law breakers and threats to public safety. But not at the expense of protecting those if they are guilty of wrong doing in killing a citizen and demonizing a victim to ensure no convictions of the guilty. We as people of the melanin hue are already all painted with the same brush of your negative perceptions of us as a people. We live it and breathe it every day. That is not just our emotional attachment to a bygone ere. That is our reality 24/7. We are judged guilty before ever getting a chance to prove we are innocent. Please don't use this incident to further cloud your judgement of what the true protesters are really seeking to achieve.

We support law enforcement officers doing their jobs. We support a fair, impartial and unbiased investigative process that is transparent and true. All officers are not bad. All blacks are not criminals. All of us want to get home at the end of the day to see our families. Every day we make it home is a blessing and the results of countless amounts of prayers.

Can we just put down our weapons and talk? Real talk? No BS? No filter? I see your points way better than you think I do. An intelligent person can see validity in more than just their own opinion. An intelligent person knows statistics can and will be manipulated to say whatever you want them to say. But we can never have that conversation if you refuse to even consider my points have merit. It is that all my way and none of your way mindset that has brought this nation to this point in time in its history. Time to do something different. ‪#‎thinkaboutit‬  

Never Fail

The devil has a pernicious way of showing us the problems of our pastorates, the chaos in our church, the misunderstandings of our ministries and draws our focus off of Christ. Once our focus is off Christ we will begin the downward spiral into the depths of despair. Great relief comes to me in understanding that when the Lord sends his disciples out to preach the gospel, they come back overjoyed at the results. Folk were saved, demons cast out, the work of the Kingdom was advancing. And the Lord’s response in effect tells me that He did not send them out to fail. So true with you and I as well, the Lord did not send us out to fail. He charges us to follow Him, and be Faithful to Him. If we just abide in that calling we shall never fail.

How Long?

There is a reprehensible spirit of evil walking in this world today that justifies taking the lives it does not agree with. Gender, age, ethnicity, sexuality, - nothing matters but to advance their argument and agenda. The countless violence, blood shed of the innocents and lives lost means absolutely nothing to it, as it is justified in it's eyes. It will not be satiated by compromise or communication, only submission. To that end, these tragedies will sadly continue in various locals around this world until we as a human race stand up collectively against the evil that surrounded us.

How long O Lord? I pray for lives lost. I pray for families devastated. I pray for communities shaken. I pray for innocence lost. I pray for strength for the journey ahead.

The Challenge of the Modern Church Extending the Call

Many churches have numerous associate ministers these days. In this season of silence as I have visited numerous churches even the smallest church has had 2 to 3 associate ministers.There are literally preachers everywhere...both licensed and unlicensed.

When a church pulpit is vacant these days the pulpit is almost immediately filled by a legacy (by blood or work) or a family member of staunch supporters of the church, or a political, fraternal, connection to power brokers in the church. The reasoning is to continue the legacy of the pastor that has retired or passed. On the surface this seems to be the most logical way to continue to flow of ministry at that location. Yet one of the chilling side effects is we often cancel God out of the process.

In effect what we have done is told God that the bride of Christ is in our hands not His. We know what is best based on our plans and visions and we only need God to cosign on what we have authorized.

If it is truly an open pulpit searching for a pastor, some of the craziness that goes on can be anything but scriptural or godlike.This has also been a cause of more legacy or immediate appointments. Bartering, deals on if "I become the pastor you will become my right hand man or woman",campaigning, playing dirty pool digging up dirt on other prospective candidates because "you don't want the church to make a mistake" using scriptural qualifications to qualify or disqualify people for the position, I have seen preachers tear each other down like dogs just so they can one day be called "pastor."

Yes there are those that are committed to do right both in the pulpit and in the pew. Those that are willing to faithfully wait till placed knowing they may never ever get placed, or wait till the Lord sends even if it means waiting longer than expected. I praise God daily for those types that in their patience possess their souls. But that does not change the fact that there is a lot of foolishness and abuses that goes on. And there are both churches and preachers that have shared in that corrosive conditions willingly.

This effectively makes it almost impossible for many associate ministers that believe they have been called to pastor to even get a fair consideration at a majority of churches. They are disqualified before they ever see a face or get a hearing. This then leaves starting your own church or ministry as the most viable option to become a pastor which is part of the reason we see so many more of them in these days in order to finally get an opportunity to pastor, While only God knows the heart, this proliferation is not in any ways accidental.The old axiom in ministry is still in effect that it is better to be a pastor of a few folks than a minister with none.

My point is this. If the church belongs to God, and we belong to God, cant we just let God do His thing His way and stop with all the foolishness on all sides?