I am not one for buzz words, clichés, church speak, formulaic exhortation or the
like so I will simply ask you to pray and consider - what is God allowing
me to learn in this season of life? Not just ministry, because we can isolate
ministry from our life and it causes us great sorrow. In every situation we are
in God can teach us more about Him and His plan for our lives. If we allow Him
to instruct us and if we listen to Him more than the temporary circumstances.
I have not pastored since 2008. Before then I was preaching 2-3 times a Sunday,
traveling around this country preaching and teaching, serving in various
denominational and ministry fellowship offices. Published two books. Wrote
several articles. But ever since the title pastor was removed from my name,
people I have fellowshipped with, broke bread with, prayed with in my home,
talked to thru the night on the phone, helped them financially when they were
struggling have basically shut me out. No calls, no texts. Not even a “hey how
are you doing” on FB. I have reached out only to have phone calls and texts not
returned. So then I say nothing and I am blamed for not chasing someone down
and forcing them to speak to me.
I am also keenly aware that if I ever do pastor again those same folks will be the
first ones blowing up my timeline and asking when they can come
"help" me out and preach for me. I have been chastised by many
saints, church members preachers, pastors and internet evangelists because I am
not putting resumes out all over the place trying pastor somewhere or starting
a church with no permission from God because I am frustrated I am not preaching
regularly.
They say my faith is weak, I am failing God, I am disobedient to the calling of God
on my life because I am not pushing the issue, etc. - the list goes on and on.
Personally I doubt that because I refuse to play the church politics game anymore.
I am too old and too tired for that circus. I have been told too many times
that I was not called or selected because I couldn’t sing, was not a flashy
dresser, didn’t sound like a pastor and other reasons that have no spiritual or
scriptural foundation whatsoever. I realize it is possible, but that is
definitely going to be a look what God has done moment in my life.
In this season of my silence, God has been speaking the loudest. Showing me who is
really for Him, who is truly a support system to me, and strengthening me to
not cave in to trends and flash, in order to have dates to preach, or fake
friends by my side. In reality He is taking me back to the place I was when I
first believed. Where humility and humbleness was the calling card carried.
Where knowing Him was more important than where I went. Until I got caught up
in the hype and hoopla of trying to be heard, appreciated and liked by others
so I would have a place to serve. I moved out of line with Him. And even though
for years it seemed like all was well, the reality of it was I was on the wrong
road. I had man's approval but not God's. It was not a sin of drinking or
drugging, but being out of His will for my life by seeking to make my own way.
Now almost 8 years later He has been sending me to various houses of worship to
just be there to hear Him, or to assist if asked. I am always ready to preach
if asked and have been asked several times, even by pastors who don't know me
at all. That is God showing me He is in control and He has not forgotten about
me! I am no less the preacher He called me to be even if people don't recognize
it, acknowledge it, or ask me to share in the gifts that God has given me. He
knows where He needs me to be and when He needs me to be there just like He
knows what needs to be said. My job is to listen and obey. So if He wants
nothing more than me to be in fellowship with Him and I never preach again, I
am ok with it - because He is the one in charge of me. He is back in control of
whatever direction my life journey may take me and I am glad about it.
