Thursday, December 10, 2015

End of Year Reflection

I am not one for buzz words, clichés, church speak, formulaic exhortation or the
like so I will simply ask you to pray and consider - what is God allowing me to learn in this season of life? Not just ministry, because we can isolate ministry from our life and it causes us great sorrow. In every situation we are in God can teach us more about Him and His plan for our lives. If we allow Him to instruct us and if we listen to Him more than the temporary circumstances.

I have not pastored since 2008. Before then I was preaching 2-3 times a Sunday, traveling around this country preaching and teaching, serving in various denominational and ministry fellowship offices. Published two books. Wrote several articles. But ever since the title pastor was removed from my name, people I have fellowshipped with, broke bread with, prayed with in my home, talked to thru the night on the phone, helped them financially when they were struggling have basically shut me out. No calls, no texts. Not even a “hey how are you doing” on FB. I have reached out only to have phone calls and texts not returned. So then I say nothing and I am blamed for not chasing someone down and forcing them to speak to me.

I am also keenly aware that if I ever do pastor again those same folks will be the first ones blowing up my timeline and asking when they can come "help" me out and preach for me. I have been chastised by many saints, church members preachers, pastors and internet evangelists because I am not putting resumes out all over the place trying pastor somewhere or starting a church with no permission from God because I am frustrated I am not preaching regularly.

They say my faith is weak, I am failing God, I am disobedient to the calling of God on my life because I am not pushing the issue, etc. - the list goes on and on. Personally I doubt that because I refuse to play the church politics game anymore. I am too old and too tired for that circus. I have been told too many times that I was not called or selected because I couldn’t sing, was not a flashy dresser, didn’t sound like a pastor and other reasons that have no spiritual or scriptural foundation whatsoever. I realize it is possible, but that is definitely going to be a look what God has done moment in my life.

In this season of my silence, God has been speaking the loudest. Showing me who is really for Him, who is truly a support system to me, and strengthening me to not cave in to trends and flash, in order to have dates to preach, or fake friends by my side. In reality He is taking me back to the place I was when I first believed. Where humility and humbleness was the calling card carried. Where knowing Him was more important than where I went. Until I got caught up in the hype and hoopla of trying to be heard, appreciated and liked by others so I would have a place to serve. I moved out of line with Him. And even though for years it seemed like all was well, the reality of it was I was on the wrong road. I had man's approval but not God's. It was not a sin of drinking or drugging, but being out of His will for my life by seeking to make my own way.

Now almost 8 years later He has been sending me to various houses of worship to just be there to hear Him, or to assist if asked. I am always ready to preach if asked and have been asked several times, even by pastors who don't know me at all. That is God showing me He is in control and He has not forgotten about me! I am no less the preacher He called me to be even if people don't recognize it, acknowledge it, or ask me to share in the gifts that God has given me. He knows where He needs me to be and when He needs me to be there just like He knows what needs to be said. My job is to listen and obey. So if He wants nothing more than me to be in fellowship with Him and I never preach again, I am ok with it - because He is the one in charge of me. He is back in control of whatever direction my life journey may take me and I am glad about it.



Monday, October 19, 2015

The uncomfortable truth of my life. Part 1

What is your name? Who is your mother? Who is your father? Where are you from? Where did you grow up?

To many people reading this, these questions are nothing more than innocent icebreakers. A way to get to know someone on at least a surface level. A means to somehow connect with a person with relevant real pieces of their past. Yet these very questions are those that threw a young me into turmoil every time I was asked these questions. Because like so many kids I was forced to deal with the fallout of the sins of my mother and father. However unlike many of them, because my parents never dealt with it, it forced me as a child up into my middle age to deal with it over and over again. Even today at 51 years of age, I hate to be asked those questions.

I have been told that I should never tell this story. My story. A very integral part of who I am and where I come from. Of what I have dealt with, overcome and still struggle with. Something that causes me to not ever celebrate Mother's or Father's day personally, even as I try in my own feeble fumbling way to teach my children to celebrate their mother. Because to openly tell my story would cause unnecessary hurt on others. It would be drama. It would be messy. That it would shatter their perceptions of people, of heroes, and of a bygone era.

Honestly the whole story is too much for a blog and much more fit for a book. Each chapter unfolding new twists and turns. Perhaps one day I will write it and leave it to be read at the end of my life. My only purpose in writing this is to set my personal record straight. No aim to hurt or destroy anyone, which is why I am not putting names out. Most of that elder generation has died, People who know me personally from my youth will get it, if they ever read it.

I was born as what the old folks would say, the illegitimate son of a pastor and a church musician. I am the product of either a fifteen year affair with a view towards marriage or a long term pastor/member friend with benefits package, Depending on whose side you listen to and choose to believe. I have heard several stories from several sides. That in and of itself is one thing that could fill a book all by itself.

As my mother got closer to her delivery date of February 1964, she traveled South to spend time with a girlfriend in Virginia. I was born a month early in a strange city. A city that I never knew until my 30's. To this day people don't get how I was born in one state yet raised several states away unless I tell them this part of my story. Unlike today a woman did not have to put a father's name on the birth certificate, even if she knew who it was. It also had the effect of creating a cover story that someone else could be my father, which was not part of the plan, but the way it was talked about by people who were grasping at straws, not wanting to believe the ugly church rumors.

Initially my mother tried to force my father to deal with me. To deal with us. Mutual arrangements were made for her to have a home in another community far away from the church, away from the drama of it all. Closer to her job and with good money support for me. This would allow him to attempt to salvage the pastor church relationship. She did this for awhile but then refused, saying she if she could not have him, then she wanted to be with her family and her home. This was her way to force him to put up with what she said he promised her or shut up. He left, moved away and re-established himself. This then left my mother with an unwanted baby at 40 years of age, no husband to show for her dalliance and a life essentially in ruins.

It was at this point (I learned as an adult) that she tried to give me away to my babysitter in the new city. She would leave me constantly for days on end without ever coming by to check on me or even call her. She would always blame her long work hours, being so early in the morning to get to work or so late in the evening as to why she didn't call or come by. Finally the babysitter brought me to her and my grandparents home and told her that she had to raise me herself. According to one of my aunts many people didn't even know if she had been pregnant because she was such a small woman. Now she had to deal with me. Publicly. The rumor was now very much a reality.

I can't tell you how many times I wished the babysitter would of just kept me.

From my youth up I was told - no commanded - to never tell anyone who my father was. As early as 6 years old I was told a number in another state that I could always reach him if I needed him. That I was to memorize that number and not tell a soul. I had my own baby blue Ma Bell phone in room that I constantly dialed the number on and hung up before it ever connected. I still have that number memorized to this day.

As I got older I was told to keep silence because it would bring shame to him. That it would destroy him. That it would destroy his legacy in town, and potentially destroy him where he was now pastoring. In her mind it would destroy any chance she had of winning him back. Yet no one ever seemed to care what it was doing to destroy me. The fights I had because my mother was called a whore to my face. The questions being thrown at me about my daddy by those elders who knew but since they couldn't get an answer out of my mother of my father chose to involve me in their drama parade. How do you respectfully tell those who are your elders "that is none of your business?"  The constantly being picked on because I had no daddy. The dynamic of being told to knowingly lie about my father was the second biggest thing to destroy my childhood. To be told to lie by those who served in the church. The biggest dynamic was being forced to live in the same city/town where it all took place. It was because we could not move or afford to move. She chose that route to punish him, when all it did was kill me.

My mother due to this new life challenge began to drink excessively, above and beyond her previous levels. She drank to mask the pain she felt. Where it had always been a social thing before, it became very pronounced the older I got. Whenever she saw me, she saw him and I got whupped more times for stuff I did not do than for stuff I ever did. Verbal and physical abuse became the norm. The only escape was to run away - which I did several times - or to go to my cousins house. Which I am sure I worried their nerves more than anything. Until I left home at 15 for a season and for good at 17,my life was a hell of someone else's making. .

It was only recently did I find out through some people that know my father that her drinking was the main reason he did not want to be with her. The other was that she tried to force his hand, which he never appreciated. The fact that she returned to town with his baby in tow, destroyed any level of relationship they may of had for many years. That she was a messy woman struck a deep chord within me. As stubborn as she was, she was not intentionally trying to be messy. Yet through many of her choices, that is what it looked like to outsiders. Dealing with uncomfortable truths, life really does become messy.

As I have gotten older and as I have served in the church...a church I never wanted to be a part of because of the pain of my family past,  I have seen many things that has clarified many of the stories that I have been told, letters I read and conversations that I have had with both my mother and my father. I have understood the challenges they faced, they drama they went thru and the heartache it caused. I have forgiven both for what they knowingly did and for the emotional, relational and social damage that they had no idea that they caused.

Yet I still deal with those questions. I get asked them all the time. Rarely do I return home for this very reason. I meet people all the time that are from my home church, home community or from his new city. I meet fellow preachers that always want to know if I come from a preaching family. I hear of his other childrens accomplishments and have even seen them at conferences yet I can't say a mumbling word, because I am sure that like me they too have painful memories of the past as their lives were also torn apart. To them I do not exist at all, while I have known their names and faces from my youth up. Or I meet people that know people that know him. I get asked if he as ever helped me in the ministry, get a church, etc. And while he has preached for me, I have never preached for him.

I never expect anything more than the limited acknowledgement more than what he as given me. While he has never denied me in writing, on phone or to my face - and I did give him that right several times and offer of a blood test, I know this is something he will never tell his children, his church family, etc. If he proceeds me in death, I will only find out via internet and google.

It was the death of a minister at home that knew all of this, that prompted me to write this morning. I found out he died via the internet.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

From the heart

What has happened to us?

It seems like ancient history of an extinct culture that when a man or woman was licensed to preach, they were expected to be faithful to the church (womb) thru which they had been birthed and the pastor that was used by God to bring them forth.That they would serve that church and that pastor until such time as they were released to pastor a church because they had been called, or because they had moved to a new location that would make a commute impossible. For many of us it was a frustrating period when it seemed like your credibility, calling and capability as a minister was left up to if a church called you or not. That you needed the people to validate the call of God on your life, or else you were a phony. Something that you had absolutely no control over.

Today it seems like ink is not dry on the ministerial license before a man or woman has already branded their image, formed a llc, non profit, or web ministry, created a logo, picked armor bearers, bible carriers and chauffeurs, created a massive social media presence and formed a church or ministry of some sort. While I fully recognize that our God is not bound to buildings of brick and mortar, I am afraid it is a disturbing trend that is destroying the Body of Christ from the inside out. It has become a cancer of convenience to run without first sitting and learning.

In addition the adoption of spiritual sons and daughters has risen to carnality. Instead of being able to train and groom those servants that God has already entrusted to their care, many now reach out to try to bring in sons and daughters from out of other ministries. They can't birth them at home or train them at home, but the will take them from elsewhere. For a fee, of course.

Today the children are openly and rebelliously declaring "you aint my daddy, that's my daddy!" Of course the way we say it is that I am "shifting, going to a higher level, a new dimension" that requires walking away from those that were used to birth you into the body of Christ and in the ministry. When in truth they have become blinded by the bling, feasting on the fame, instead of learning how to be faithful where they are  and learning of to first serve before they try to go and lead.

Accountability is sorely lacking in the Body of Christ at every level. Ministers are being taken advantage of by other ministers as well as the churches they aim to serve. Humility has been thrown out as being a sign of a weak, timid pastor. In its place they have been replaced with a man or woman saying their are Apostles, Bishops or Prophets but who really have a desire to tell people off without being rebuked themselves. Starting our own church where once seen as the response of one that could not be called to a traditional church is now the preferred ministry track for a majority of ministers so they can do everything they want to do without any checks or safeguards.

The training of ministers is left to schools, colleges, and universities that must be concerned by necessity about things other than faith, love, humility peace, grace, and ethics. Things that keep their doors open and the money flowing in. This leaves too many ministers devoid of the proper training they need not only theologically speaking, but ethically and from a mentoring aspect as well. Many that get their word of the morning not down on their knees before the Lord but from a YouTube search then declare the Lord gave this to me to give to you? Word for word, line for line and tune for tune.

We are raising a generation of preachers and prognosticators,showmen and showgirls, hustlers and just barely "holders on" draped in the wardrobe that signifies them as clergy. Yet when the real authentic comes we have become unable to detect it, are repulsed by the visible scars of ministry and real life or complain that it is not the show we are used to.

True ministry bears scars, wounds and scabs. True ministry is not entertainment. It is not a show. It is to point lost souls to the cross of Christ and to tell the redemption story. It is to glorify God in the highest. It is to show how God works even in broken vessels such as you and I. It is to be a visible presence of God in this twisted world in which we live.

Tell me who or rather what are we trying to raise? Do we want them to replicate what we have done or do we want them to replicate the life and ministry of Jesus? Where are those that are willing to to admit that they don't know it all and need to be trained? That are willing to study and not make excuses? Where are those that will be held accountable to a higher standard?


Forgivness

Being forgiven means nothing if you refuse to move past the incident, issue, or item that required forgiveness. The pain of the past still has so many people bound by things they were set free from. Don't just say that you are free - WALK IN YOUR FREEDOM #scarredbutnitscared

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

On Leaving a Legacy

If you are not leaving a legacy for an inheritance for the world to gain from, you are wasting your time here. Don't confuse legacy with money or materialistic acquirement, because they are fleeting, fad oriented and will fade away. They are only tools to enable you to reach more, extend yourself more, embrace the challenges of life more and establish your legacy. Live a life so blessed that others are enriched and pass on your true legacy to others simply from knowing you. Those that didn't know you will move heaven and earth to learn more about what they missed from not knowing you.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Once Again...

So let me understand.....
A PBS program (not exactly TMZ or some hatchet fake news website) Finding Your Roots is blocked from airing because a prominent powerful actor does not want it revealed that his ancestors were slave owners.
Yet thru the very action of blocking it, he revealed that his ancestors were slave owners.
Once again we are shown how the powerful elite can control what is said and broadcast, and how the truth can be silenced. Again we are shown how other less prominent or powerful people aren't afforded the same opportunity to rewrite their families history in a more favorable light.
Those who are connected to those who suffered through slavery are admonished to forgive and forget; to move on, turn the other cheek and be the bigger person even when still routinely being told that they are second class citizens. . All while walking in parks, driving on streets, studying in schools and living in cities dedicated to people that fought to keep them enslaved because it benefited them economically.
Yet again we are shown that others can continually rewrite history to cast themselves and by extension those that may have participated in owning slaves in a more favorable light.
Again we have tangible proof that some people just don't "get it" when it comes to slavery and what it did to the mind, soul, and spirit of the entire country. How do you get over something that all you hear is deny it existed. deny it was that bad. deny any involvement or knowledge, deny it took place. It wont be long before it is completely written out of our history books and consciousnesses as a country and the brainwash will be complete.
I am glad that I learned my history from my grandmother and grandfather, I am glad I know the story and did not need a website or a tv show to tell me who my ancestors are. I am blessed because i know where my bloodline came ashore, where we were sold, where the plantation was in Sussex County, Va, I know because we were admonished to never forget. I know because we wrote in it books stitched together with yarn. I know because at family reunions the elders still gather the young from near and far and tell them the old old story. Because once you forget, you can be brought back to that same place.We were admonished to tell the story to our children so that they know as well.
I don't hate, nor do I hold malice. I don't look side eyed or fail to trust or give chances because of what happened in the past. But that does not mean that I don't remember, Not from what I was taught nor from what i personally experienced. Our issues as a country are way deeper than symbols and statues. It is the substance that troubles us. That when we look in the mirror we don't like what we see so we try to rewrite it based on our ideals instead of facing the reality.
Until we admit it, we will never get past it. We can't even do that as a country. Therein lies the root of the problem.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Ideal vs Real

There is an ideal America and the real America.

We are taught and indoctrinated by those who have a vested interest in hiding their involvement in past abuses of their own ideals. We are taught the ideals of a future state that constantly asks those being denied rights to ignore the abuses of the past, even when they still occur in the present. The reality of America is that the ideals of this country don't often manifest in reality but fora select few, often on sharply divided economic and ethnic lines. The idealists shout down those who point out the realities of not living up to the ideals. The realists often wallow in the realities pointing their fingers at the wrongs they have experienced without doing what they personally can do to push for better ideals.

Yet my present reality of living wont stop me from pushing for a better one for those that follow after me. We must give them better than what we have received. That is not an optional. Make it better starting now.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Sacrifice. Service.Love.

Sacrifice. Service.  Love.

These are three simple words, yet maddeningly complex words to personally embrace in our lives.

Sacrifice - To do so is often defined as to give up. A loss. Something that will never be reclaimed or recovered. That in itself sounds negative. Choose to see it as a channeled release of potential to acknowledge, aid and assist others to fulfill their destiny. Whether it is the release of time, treasure, thought or talent, it has a definite purpose in being released that you seek no reward from doing. It costs you but blesses them. No reward, no payback. None.

Service - To be able to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is a tangible kindness of actions and deeds devoid of manipulative reasoning. In some way no matter our chosen career path, we are in reality employed in the eternal service industry. For what we say and do has eternal implications and destiny in view. The joy and pleasure of serving with a right spirit is greater than that of being served. How may I serve you, must become your daily heart and soul mission.

Love – “What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want, It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.” St Augustine


The more you embrace these core principles and live these out daily, you live a glorious life. A life that is free of the constraints of mediocrity and meandering. It is no longer what you can get out of life, but what can you give. Not how can you shine but how can you serve. To live any less is to live a life devoid of positive impact on a world that desperately needs it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Beyond the Shout; We Need Help.

There is a rising awareness of depression that is sitting like an ominous vulture in our pews and pulpits every time the church doors are open for any service. Many of the saints of God not only struggle with depression but they struggle even more with being able to publicly admit they deal with it. Every one of us in some way or the other, deals with issues from childhood, broken relationships, inability to be in or maintain positive relationships, marital discord, employment struggles, financial worries, insecurities, self doubt, fears, health concerns, abuse of any kind, painful personal experiences and circumstances that for one person "may be nothing but something to deal with." For the next person however it could be a silent trigger that sends them spiraling rapidly downward into the pits of depression. What didn't bother you, bothered me. What didn't trip me up, tripped you up. This is not a one size fits all illness or cure. If not caught in time, depression can lead to severe traumatic issues, injuries and even death. Why is that so, when there are so many resources available for understanding and treatment?

For many in the church to openly admit to being depressed is seen not only as a major sign of personal weakness, but it is seen as a sign that one is not as spiritually rooted in Christ, connected to His Favor, living on His promises and anointed by the Holy Ghost as they should be. One's faith is called into question, along with in some cases, their salvation. Somehow in the minds of some, they are missing the spiritual mark. Some sin must be present in their life to bring them to this point. Depression is claimed by others to only be a spirit that must be bound and cast out and once that is done, there will be no evidence of it ever being present in the first place. This battle is fought on many planes, not just the spiritual one.

Another issue is to be honest not only do we tend to self diagnose, we also self medicate with both legal and illegal substances. A throwback to a time when we could not truly afford medical care, or were denied service based on the color of our skin, so we did what we could do to patch ourselves up, mask the pain and keep on pushing. We see the same course of action in place today, especially in the field of mental health. Rather than go and talk with a trained qualified professional, we grab our friends (at least we think they are our friends)  and try to talk through it. In far too many occasions they are not equipped to handle the enormity of what we are dealing with. We often choose this route instead of being officially seen and diagnosed because we don't want the stigma of having any official mental health issues to be placed in a medical file to follow us forever. Even worse as a minister, for people to be able to see that you don't have it all together and have it used against you to attack the ministry God has given or to not even give you the opportunity to serve.  All because you publicly admitted you needed some help.

It is frightening and often times disheartening to reach out to people. We discover that our circle of friends is really only a dot with us standing on it all by ourselves. So many of us have had people that we once confided in that we don't even talk with anymore, because they willingly broke that confidence and shared what we told them in confidence with someone else. And if they will do it over something that is is not life altering or life threatening, how much more so will they flap their lips over something of this magnitude?  (Proverbs 11:13) Preachers are just as guilty if not more so than those in the pews of spreading around the troubles of one preacher to other preachers and even to churches. So we often end up internalizing our struggle and trying to deal with it all our own, This makes it a dangerous prelude to disaster.

One of the subtle issues that mask someone that is depressed is what is called in some circles functional depression. This term (although not listed in the DSM manual) is used in some quarters to describe a person that is able to go to work, get thru their day and deal with people at a bare minimum to get the job done. But once that is over they go right back to that dark place of no light, no hope and no help. This is right where a lot of pastors that deal with depression are. They are able to pull it together for Sunday morning, Bible Study, etc. Yet no sooner is the benediction given and the job is done, they drift right back to that place. No words of encouragement in that moment, of job well done, are even heard. They fall on deaf ears. Only the sound of their loneliness, grief and pain fills their ears, even while in the midst of a crowd of people saying well done. I know all to well, because I have been there.

Depression eats away at the inside of a person. It robs them of what they need to sustain them from the inside out, until eventually all you see is the shell of the person. Inside they are hollowed out, empty, void of strength and resources.  It makes them feel less than a man or woman in so many ways. Once it has become fully entrenched, it tightens its grip on the person crushing it with unrelenting force until the person decides it is better to be dead than to live like this. Again please understand that they in many cases, they look fine to you on the outside - some would even say normal (whatever that is), but it is on the inside where the pain resides. In some cases yes there will be an outward manifestation of depression which many of us can then recognize as something is wrong. But by that time it may be too late.

As a minister of the gospel that has not only dealt with this issue, along with seeing many peers deal with it, I am reminded of the saying that at times we are so heavenly minded that we are no earthly good. Pastor Rick Warren makes the statement that "a broken brain is just as physical as a broken bone." Working with children in sports there are many times that I have had to temporarily splint and protect an athlete's broken arm, leg, finger or toe until they could get to the hospital. This was my proper course of duty as a trained professional in my field. But my training and experience in my field was to only provide a temporary fix for my athlete, until the trained professional in the medical field could take over and provide a more permanent fix. When it comes to this issue of depression, many of us have absolutely no clinical training whatsoever to be able to diagnose or deal with it. Not on a temporary or on a permanent basis. And denying that it exists, simply telling someone to get over it, ignoring it, or attacking someone's faith in the process of trying to help them out of it is not only reprehensible, it does infinitely more harm than good.

May I suggest that if you are feeling discouraged, depressed and despondent, you need to find someone to talk to. Now. Call a mental health hotline.  Reach out to a loved one that has your care, concern and best welfare at heart. Someone that can not only counsel you wisely but that cares for you in manner that they can and will point you in the right direction. Sometimes that direction will be right to a trained mental health professional. This issue is too serious to leave unattended, or to shake out on it's own. And if it is you that the person is reaching out to, take the time to listen. To pray, To point in the right direction. They trusted you with something painful. Don't throw that trust away or gossip it about town.

Make no mistake, I believe in the power of prayer. We should and must pray for those that are going thru something as crippling as this is. But even while I am praying, I am seeking to connect them with the appropriate God sent resources so that they can get the help that they need. I know that the best thing for me to do is to point them in the way they should go and if necessary walk with them in the process. Because when you are locked in this vice grip, even the words of Scripture seem like it is intended for everyone else in the entire World throughout the ages but you. That is something you will never understand unless you have been in the pits of depression and God brought you out! Before the light of the Gospel can crack the fog of depression there has got to be a shift in the atmospheric pressure in the mind/spirit of the person dealing with it. True agape love before the Father can shift that atmosphere.  Lets love people to get them the help that they need. By any means necessary. Love them for who they are, not for what you want them to be or what they can do for you. Love them.

"...we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us,…" 2 Corinthians 1:8c-10

Depression is not something to deal with by yourself. You do not have to be strong enough to handle this on your own. If you are depressed, reach out and get professional help. There are numerous trained professional Christian counselors available across this land that know how to listen, to assist, to life coach and to encourage you in the things of faith while you fight this battle. They are bound by a professional code of conduct to keep the privacy of your sessions out of the prying eyes of those that would use it against you. We must remove the stigma of reaching out to trained professionals in this field simply because we are men and women of faith. 

If you know someone that is depressed, pray for them and help them to seek out professional help immediately. Do not let them go though this alone. 





Monday, January 5, 2015

If One Person Gets This

It is unfair and down right selfish to force a child - any child regardless of age to lie to cover up for your mess, sins, indiscretions, mistakes, habits, etc. You did your dirt and many times you were happy doing it. But to make them lie so you don't have to deal with the fallout, forces them to live a life of confusion, shame, regret, and double standards. Why? Because you tell them and raise them to tell the truth - except that one thing because it is too painful, too embarrassing, it will hurt too many people. So every day of their life they live a lie that you created. Let me tell you there are grown folks in every age range that still have not been able to deal with the duplicity.
Stop telling folks that "the Lord will help you" deal with a mess they didn't create but you did. All you are doing is deflecting your responsibility of dealing with the issues you created or were witness to. How can we claim to be transparent and open with everyone in the church world, yet all you tell your child is lies? You allow them to deal with the shame you are not man or woman enough to own up to with your super saved and holy self? Ichabod.
This is a pain I have personally lived. And I would be lying that if I said at 50 years old it doesn't bother me at times and is one major reason I don't go home to NJ as much as I should. The pain of my youth is still too great to deal with. Yet it troubles me more that everywhere I go the amount of people that are dealing with the same thing. In every church I pastored, in every community I lived, the same stories exist. The stories may be slightly different - the outcomes and pains far greater than mine will ever be, but the root issues are exactly the same. Shame, selfishness, stupidity, sin. Stop forcing your children and grandchildren to bear a burden that you refuse to deal with. This generational curse did not come from the devil, is not a thorn in your side or a cross that must be born but from your refusal to man up. Again that is deflection of the issue instead of dealing with it. Confess it, seek forgiveness for it, deal with it and move on. Or continue to play the role of of having it all together to others, when really you are fractured to the core. Decide. ‪#‎nomoretimeforstupid‬‪#‎ifonepersongetsthis‬ 

Rawwwr

It is official. I am a dinosaur. The realization hit me when I was driving to pick my daughter up from her late-night shift. It was not the ...