More and more the platform for true and fair competition in every walk of life is being eroded all around us by the drive to win at all costs. We have become a society that loves winning or the perception in the minds of others that we have won so much, that we will say and do absolutely anything to win. Whether on the job, in the sporting arena, the home, the marriage, the political sphere or even on social media the idea that "I must win at all costs" has become inextricably woven to the soul of who we are as people.
This frightens me.
When you look at the concept of American exceptionalism, it is nothing more than grandstanding pompously thumping our chests to the rest of the world to say America is a winner. When you watch sporting programs, you see the winner celebrated even if they won by the slimmest of margins or the flukiest of circumstances while the is loser decimated and dismantled. Not just on the field mind you, but by those paid to in effect bury them alive via their opinions. In the home, peace is pushed aside in favor of who is right. In the political realm we see the mudslinging, demonizing, pathological lying and twisting of facts and truth in order to secure a win for one side or the other. A devilish game that all sides play yet all equally deny.
The shame in all of this is we have crossed a line; left it far behind us in our rear view mirror many hundreds of miles. It is no longer fair, or fun, or even conceivable to the well balanced soul anymore what we do in order to win. We say the scandalous, do the despicable, insinuate the incredulous, post the preposterous, trumpet the thoughtless and commit to the most vile craven parts of our human existence only to be able to say we or our side won. We destroy others just to say we won.
What have we really come to? In effect this is what we saw this past National election cycle. Not only during the process and subsequent vote, but on social media, in protests, on news shows and opinion web sites. In coffee houses, chat rooms, teacher lounges, and church parking lots. That winning is all that matters. How we do it is irrelevant. Who we hurt, run over, destroy, and slander is immaterial. Only the results matter, for only they are ultimately judged by history. Not only will we do these things, but we will then disavow, disengage, deny and down play those things afterwards as if it didn't happen or it meant nothing at all. With a wink and a nod thrown in of course because that is not who we really are.
My friends we must slam the brakes on this mindset, turn the car around and head back towards a place of balance. If we do not, we will careen off the cliffs into a canyon of chaos that we are rapidly approaching. Much quicker than many of us anticipate. Compassion, caring and commitment to be a loving community must be where we point ourselves towards as a people. We can not live like this anymore. As a people. As a nation. As a world. Enough is enough.
Retribution has become normalization for our culture. We are damaging relationships beyond earthly repair...fathers against sons and mothers against daughters. All to say we won what? An argument? A competition? A post? A flame war? A vote? Surely much more was intended out of life than this. For we can not retract words once spoken or deeds done. Many today would shout karma but before karma ever became a mainstream concept for the masses we learned thru spiritual development and the songs of our fore-bearers "you will reap what you sow and what you plant surely will grow." To belittle people for not getting past or over things you did to them is to be a bully of the worst order. Allowing you to do your dirt, while throwing shade on those you purposefully intended to hurt in the first place. Living and dying by the sword becomes a cyclical outcome with no end in sight. In words often spoken down south "you kill my dog, I kill your cat." That has become the new normal for this country. The win at all costs culture is a linchpin of it.
As a former athlete, coach, and entrepreneur, I have absolutely nothing against winning and pursuing it passionately. We do not coach to lose. We want our athletes to want to win bad. I am against undermining others to win, But I don't want to coach an athlete that has to do what Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan in order to win. I don't want to coach an athlete that takes short cuts to climb the mountain of success. You don't cheat, you conquer. Conquer with persistence, commitment, training and sheer will. Conquer by being the better person, inside and out. I am against tearing down others to say we won or should of won. I am against teaching athletes who will one day go out in the real world that if they don't win they are consigned to the scrapheap of failure for perpetuity. There are many lessons to be learned in losing - perhaps many more than in winning. You win with humility and lose with grace. You redouble your positive efforts and eliminate negativity. You learn and move forward.
I want to win. But I don't want to win at all costs. Not is coaching. Not in competing. Not in life. That price is way to high to pay. We are seeing that as a country now.
Let's turn around while we have time and space.
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